¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nowadays more and more people want to get things done instantly. Why is it? Do you think it is a pos

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*ÁØ
2021-09-08 236

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think nowdays lifestyle is changed.
Most of the people purpose is money.
So, many people want to quickly handle all of the work.
This phenomenon is very negative development.

People's life goals are going in the wrong direction.
In the end, Money is not with us.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Sir Chris~! ^^ Thank you for doing your essay! Keep writing! Keep improving! Have a great time!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I think nowadays lifestyle is changed.
>>> I think nowadays, people's lifestyle has been changed.
Most of the people purpose is money.
>>> Most of the people's purpose is for money.
So, many people want to quickly handle all of the work.
>>> So, many people want to quickly handle all work.
This phenomenon is very negative development.
>>> 
This phenomenon is a negative development.
People's life goals are going in the wrong direction.
>>> CORRECT
In the end, Money is not with us.
>>> In the end, we can never chase money for the rest of our lives. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112254 If you can make a rule in your school, what would it be and why? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 348
112253 You\'ve mentioned that your masterpiece is your daughter. Please... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 292
112252 plan for vacation À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112251 Were you afraid of anything when you were a child? What was it? Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 222
112250 Are there many international students at universities in your... Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 225
112249 [Autumn Season, Family Photo Festival] ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 290
112248 9.27 homework ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 2
112247 What was the most enjoyable thing that you did during your... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 243
112246 9.27 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 0
112245 Life without siblings ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 240
112244 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 246
112243 When you were a child, what did you want to grow up to be?... °¥*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 271
112242 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 277
112241 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 243
112240 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 265
112239 away from ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 1
112238 HOMEWORK: What would you do if you were trapped in an island? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 1
112237 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 217
112236 Describe a time when you had to assist a co-worker. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 223
112235 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 194

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04