¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nowadays more and more people want to get things done instantly. Why is it? Do you think it is a pos

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*ÁØ
2021-09-08 332

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think nowdays lifestyle is changed.
Most of the people purpose is money.
So, many people want to quickly handle all of the work.
This phenomenon is very negative development.

People's life goals are going in the wrong direction.
In the end, Money is not with us.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Sir Chris~! ^^ Thank you for doing your essay! Keep writing! Keep improving! Have a great time!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I think nowadays lifestyle is changed.
>>> I think nowadays, people's lifestyle has been changed.
Most of the people purpose is money.
>>> Most of the people's purpose is for money.
So, many people want to quickly handle all of the work.
>>> So, many people want to quickly handle all work.
This phenomenon is very negative development.
>>> 
This phenomenon is a negative development.
People's life goals are going in the wrong direction.
>>> CORRECT
In the end, Money is not with us.
>>> In the end, we can never chase money for the rest of our lives. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111832 What is your greatest fear? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 369
111831 How do you maintain your good mind and body condition? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 2
111830 What are your plans for tomorrow? È«*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 394
111829 why letter is important ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 642
111828 ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 229
111827 Homework : Can you tell me something about your city ¹Ú*Âù ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111826 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 404
111825 page 45 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 462
111824 9.9 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111823 [Homework] What is the difference between \'HUNTED\' and... Á¶*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 374
111822 What are your plans for this coming Chu Seok? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 596
111821 Is it better to be a teenager today or during your time? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 519
111820 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 413
111819 Playing game ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 520
111818 What are some situations wherein some people misinterpret a body... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 4
111817 Are you a good friend? Why or why not? À±*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 420
111816 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 380
111815 Homework ³²*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 586
111814 emotion of hate Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 387
111813 Homework °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 464

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04