¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nowadays more and more people want to get things done instantly. Why is it? Do you think it is a pos

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*ÁØ
2021-09-08 338

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think nowdays lifestyle is changed.
Most of the people purpose is money.
So, many people want to quickly handle all of the work.
This phenomenon is very negative development.

People's life goals are going in the wrong direction.
In the end, Money is not with us.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Sir Chris~! ^^ Thank you for doing your essay! Keep writing! Keep improving! Have a great time!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I think nowadays lifestyle is changed.
>>> I think nowadays, people's lifestyle has been changed.
Most of the people purpose is money.
>>> Most of the people's purpose is for money.
So, many people want to quickly handle all of the work.
>>> So, many people want to quickly handle all work.
This phenomenon is very negative development.
>>> 
This phenomenon is a negative development.
People's life goals are going in the wrong direction.
>>> CORRECT
In the end, Money is not with us.
>>> In the end, we can never chase money for the rest of our lives. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111641 Would you consider living in a retirement home when you\'re... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 1
111640 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 459
111639 n many situations, people who break the law should be warned... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 424
111638 How do you say clearly what\'s on your mind? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 4
111637 Monday\'s diary. ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 0
111636 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 392
111635 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 6
111634 Knowing What to Buy ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 339
111633 What is my favorite season ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 434
111632 Do you know of any interesting or unique restaurants in your... ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 485
111631 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 412
111630 26th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 1
111629 Homework ½Å*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 2
111628 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 3
111627 Hyundai unveils Robotaxi À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 1
111626 Hate crimes ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 376
111625 1. Make 3 sentences using \" What\'s ____ like? Example: What\'s... È«*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 516
111624 Who, besides your parents, had the biggest impact on your... ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 595
111623 The life\'s a miracle À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 3
111622 Do you always share your plans with other people? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 411

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04