¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What is your favorite place in your city and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼±*
2021-09-09 263

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My favorite place is Nam-san, the mountain located in the middle of Seoul, the capital city of Korea. The height is 262 meters tall, it commands a fine city view, and it¡¯s easy to get there from anywhere in Seoul. In addition, we can enjoy distinctive four seasons all around the year, so it seems new to me every time I visit there. During rising virus affection, only way to work out is to walk outside, and I started trekking up Namsan every day. It has been almost more than 6months up to now.
In spring, there were cherry blossoms, green leaves, and green grasses, in summer, I can see high, blue, and clear sky and lots of flowers blooms, and autumn is near, so now Namsan is changing such as leaves becoming red and yellow and winding much cool air.
Since I trekked up Namsan, I feel like getting in good health physically and mentally. In case of the mental, I forget everything while I trek up that mountain, and physically I can burn useless fat. I have lots of benefit from Namsan.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Sun Jung! ^^
 
That sounds like a very interesting place. I hope I can visit there someday. Thanks for sharing :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

My favorite place is Nam-san, the mountain located in the middle of Seoul, the capital city of Korea. 
>> My favorite place is Nam-san, the mountain located in the middle of Seoul.

The height is 262 meters tall, it commands a fine city view, and it¡¯s easy to get there from anywhere in Seoul. 
>> The mountain is 262 meters tall. It commands a fine city view, and it¡¯s easy to get there from anywhere in Seoul. 

In addition, we can enjoy distinctive four seasons all around the year, so it seems new to me every time I visit there. 
>> CORRECT

During rising virus affection, only way to work out is to walk outside, and I started trekking up Namsan every day. 
>> Ever since the pandemic, the only way to work out is walking outside. I started trekking up Namsan every day. 

It has been almost more than 6months up to now.
>> It has been almost more than 6months now.

In spring, there were cherry blossoms, green leaves, and green grasses, in summer, I can see high, blue, and clear sky and lots of flowers blooms, and autumn is near, so now Namsan is changing such as leaves becoming red and yellow and winding much cool air.
>>In spring, there are cherry blossoms, green leaves, and green grass.  While on summer, I can see high, blue, and clear sky and a lot of flowers blooming. On the other hand, autumn is near so now the color of the leaves are changing in Namsan. 


Since I trekked up Namsan, I feel like getting in good health physically and mentally.
>> Since I trekked up Namsan, I feel like my body is getting healthy physically and mentally.

In case of the mental, I forget everything while I trek up that mountain, and physically I can burn useless fat. 
>> In terms of my mental health, trekking releases my stress and physically, it can burn fat. 

I have lots of benefit from Namsan.
>> There are a lot of benefits when you go yo Namsan. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111793 On my weekends ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 1
111792 29th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111791 What is your favorite place in your city and why? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 263
111790 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111789 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 1
111788 Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 203
111787 If I will visit your city, what restaurant would you recommend... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 213
111786 Should a person work after graduation? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 348
111785 About Eldorado book À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 1
111784 IELTS writing task1 ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 4
111783 What are the most important things your parents taught you? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111782 Friday review! ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 234
111781 9.8 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 1
111780 A thing what i bought made me happy best ever. ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 213
111779 Why people are upset? ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 190
111778 Hi Kate! ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 6
111777 home work ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 211
111776 How to study English ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 0
111775 What is your country\'s weakness? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 1
111774 It\'s made me happy!!!!!!! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 703

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04