¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What is your favorite place in your city and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼±*
2021-09-09 319

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My favorite place is Nam-san, the mountain located in the middle of Seoul, the capital city of Korea. The height is 262 meters tall, it commands a fine city view, and it¡¯s easy to get there from anywhere in Seoul. In addition, we can enjoy distinctive four seasons all around the year, so it seems new to me every time I visit there. During rising virus affection, only way to work out is to walk outside, and I started trekking up Namsan every day. It has been almost more than 6months up to now.
In spring, there were cherry blossoms, green leaves, and green grasses, in summer, I can see high, blue, and clear sky and lots of flowers blooms, and autumn is near, so now Namsan is changing such as leaves becoming red and yellow and winding much cool air.
Since I trekked up Namsan, I feel like getting in good health physically and mentally. In case of the mental, I forget everything while I trek up that mountain, and physically I can burn useless fat. I have lots of benefit from Namsan.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Sun Jung! ^^
 
That sounds like a very interesting place. I hope I can visit there someday. Thanks for sharing :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

My favorite place is Nam-san, the mountain located in the middle of Seoul, the capital city of Korea. 
>> My favorite place is Nam-san, the mountain located in the middle of Seoul.

The height is 262 meters tall, it commands a fine city view, and it¡¯s easy to get there from anywhere in Seoul. 
>> The mountain is 262 meters tall. It commands a fine city view, and it¡¯s easy to get there from anywhere in Seoul. 

In addition, we can enjoy distinctive four seasons all around the year, so it seems new to me every time I visit there. 
>> CORRECT

During rising virus affection, only way to work out is to walk outside, and I started trekking up Namsan every day. 
>> Ever since the pandemic, the only way to work out is walking outside. I started trekking up Namsan every day. 

It has been almost more than 6months up to now.
>> It has been almost more than 6months now.

In spring, there were cherry blossoms, green leaves, and green grasses, in summer, I can see high, blue, and clear sky and lots of flowers blooms, and autumn is near, so now Namsan is changing such as leaves becoming red and yellow and winding much cool air.
>>In spring, there are cherry blossoms, green leaves, and green grass.  While on summer, I can see high, blue, and clear sky and a lot of flowers blooming. On the other hand, autumn is near so now the color of the leaves are changing in Namsan. 


Since I trekked up Namsan, I feel like getting in good health physically and mentally.
>> Since I trekked up Namsan, I feel like my body is getting healthy physically and mentally.

In case of the mental, I forget everything while I trek up that mountain, and physically I can burn useless fat. 
>> In terms of my mental health, trekking releases my stress and physically, it can burn fat. 

I have lots of benefit from Namsan.
>> There are a lot of benefits when you go yo Namsan. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111729 If you could change any aspect of your personality, what would... ¹Ú*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 302
111728 What do you think will make man go extinct? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 5
111727 special gift ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 5
111726 If I will visit your city, what restaurant would you recommend... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 325
111725 Thank you! ¿ì*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 3
111724 Thank you teacher:) ¿ì*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 4
111723 Who, besides your parents, had the biggest impact on your... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 392
111722 What do you usually do to celebrate birthdays in your family? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 279
111721 How can you deal with someone who speaks so fast in giving... À¯*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 297
111720 meaning of Korean flag ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 275
111719 What do you like about your neighborhood? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 333
111718 Make sentences using given words ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 1
111717 Homework ³²*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 240
111716 Writing a book ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 251
111715 what is your favorite subject at school ? why ? À±*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 352
111714 Shine muscat was best sweet fruit i have ate Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 410
111713 homework ÀÌ* ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 416
111712 [HOMEWORK] Why do people get upset? Kindly answer in not more... Á¶*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 4
111711 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 257
111710 9.7 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04