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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What other positive things can you think of on why staying away from social media is good? Share you

작성자: 정*우
2021-09-10 248

회원님의 영작문



Please look at the file attached.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Vicky!


If you took some of your photos surfing and dancing there in Jeju Doand post them on Facebook then your batchmates in medicine might think that you are having the best time of your life! In reality, there is struggle and even agonizing times in the hospital that you experience that they don't see. Indeed, on social media, most posts are to show off what is good and beautiful. These posts are not free from public scrutiny. When you post, get ready to be judged.


Thus, on the points you have raised here on your short essay, spending unlimited time as well as jealousy towards posts bring forth negative reactions for an individual. Or maybe sometimes people are just posting what they achieved or possess because it makes them happy. If we change our perspective on how to view these posts, we can be happy for them too.


Thank you, great job always!

-T. Donna =)


Social media is a convenient and simple way to communicate with others. People can give their news by easily uploading their photos or videos. 

>> Correct!


Some people also use social media as a mean of getting some information. Even though SNS has some benefits, I rather think that spending time on SNS has more disadvantages compared to a few merits. 

>> Correct!

Or: ...as a means of getting...


When we start to see some postings on SNS, it is hard to control our time spent on it. SNS keep showing us interesting photos and postings, so we usually spend more time on it than we planned. 

>> When we start to see some postings on SNS, it is hard to control our time spent on them. SNS keeps showing us interesting photos and postings, so we usually spend more time on them than we planned. 


Moreover, the information we get from the SNS mostly tends to be commercial advertisements or news about celebrities.  

>> Correct!

Or: tend


These are attractive and amusing information, but it may not be professional or valuable information.  

>> Correct!


Thus I think SNS can be a good measure for killing time, but it is addictive. It keeps us seeing meaningless posts unconsciously. 

>> Correct!


Moreover, social media can encourage comparative deprivation, since most of postings and photos tends to be for showing off themselves. 

>> Moreover, social media can encourage comparative deprivation, since most of the postings and photos tend to be for showing off themselves. 


For my example, when I used facebook, I felt envy at other people's leisurely life, since I had to study for most of my time. 

>> Correct!

Or: Facebook


This sometimes made me depressed. I think most people struggling to live might feel some point of deprivation as same as me at that time, which make them depressed and discouraged.

>> Correct!

Or: ... the same as me...

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첨삭이 가능하며,

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04