¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My opinion about eating healthy

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2021-09-10 367

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I agree with the opinion that the eating habit of younger generation effects on their health negatively. As the fast food spread largely in our lives, many children can usually eat them. They are attracted by the taste because it¡¯s more stimulating than other food which is not salty and sweet. Children get used to fast food and do not want to eat healthy food. I think it makes their health worse. Fast food includes high fat, and it has high calories. The more fat they eat, the worse their health. As this reason, I think children should change their eating habit healthier than the past.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello RIA!  Thank you for giving your opinion regarding this topic. I truly appreciate your thoughts. ^_^
T. Irene
I agree with the opinion that the eating habit of younger generation effects on their health negatively. 
>>> I agree with the opinion that the eating habit of younger generation affects  their health negatively. 
As the fast food spread largely in our lives, many children can usually eat them. 
>>> As fast foods are getting popular and common, it became easier for many children to avail of them. 
They are attracted by the taste because it¡¯s more stimulating than other food which is not salty and sweet. 
>>> They are attracted by the taste because it¡¯s more stimulating than other foods which are not salty and sweet. 
Children get used to fast food and do not want to eat healthy food. 
>>> Children got used to fast food and do not want to eat healthy food. 
I think it makes their health worse. 
>>> I think it makes their health suffer. 
Fast food includes high fat, and it has high calories. 
>>> Fast food includes high fat  and calories. 
The more fat they eat, the worse their health. 
>>> The more fat they eat, the worse their health becomes. 
As this reason, I think children should change their eating habit healthier than the past.
>>>  For this reason, I think children should change their eating habits into a healthier one than the past.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112570 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 598
112569 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 432
112568 Is there an important link between inflation and unemployment? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 391
112567 Why is it important to vote? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 2
112566 Whom do you share your problems with? And why? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 3
112565 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 364
112564 What¡¯s the best plan you had? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 2
112563 Just my personal opinion :) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 311
112562 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-06 443
112561 Why do you think there are some couples in South Korea that... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 507
112560 1005 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 3
112559 How can you take care of an old person? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 2
112558 If you can have your own YouTube channel, what kind of content... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 1
112557 Should the media show graphic violence? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 590
112556 Please check if the grammar and context are correct. ÀÌ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 482
112555 [Homework] What do you do for an energy boost? Á¶*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 1
112554 Musical\'s dis/advantage. ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 885
112553 love ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 526
112552 Homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 365
112551 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 454

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04