¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

please open the pile and revise the passage in the pile~

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*Áø
2021-09-11 373

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



if you can't open the pile, you don't have to revise and just send a message~

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Shin!
I think what you mean is "chef" since you're talking about a job. Other than this word, most of your terms are good. I also suggested some revisions. Please don't forget to use the correct punctuation marks as well. Well done! Thank you. ^^
~Elica~

There are many interesting job these days, but the first think that comes to mind is a cook. 

>>There are many interesting jobs these days, but the first thing that comes to mind is a chef. 

There are many types of cooks such as western food cooks, Japanese food cooks and Korean food cooks. 

>>There are many types of chefs, such as Western food chefs, Japanese food chefs, and Korean food chefs. 

All these types of cooks produce creative meal with their own ideas.

>>All these types of chefs produce creative meals with their ideas. 

 

Surprisingly, none of these cooking jobs really requires a specific education. 

>>Surprisingly, none of these cooking jobs require specific education. 

Some cooks can make it with just natural talent. 

>>Some chefs can make it with just natural talent. 

In Korea, however, many people study fundamental skills and nutrition to be a cook. 

>>In Korea, however, many people study fundamental skills and nutrition to be a cook. 

Whether they have formal education or natural talent, all cooks must have observational skills and diverse experiences

>>Whether they have formal education or natural talent, all chefs must have observational skills and diverse experiences.

 

  There are a couple of reasons why this job is interesting. 

  >>CORRECT

  First, cooks can satisfy the taste of people. 

  >>First, chefs can satisfy the cravings of people. 

  Second they can share their ideas and cause impressive reactions form so many people. 

  >>Second, they can share their ideas and impress so many people. 

  Third, I think cooking is very special because cooks should continuously make a challenge to come up with new ideas.

  >>Third, I think cooking is very special because chefs should continuously challenge themselves to come up with new ideas. 

  In some parts of jobs, people feel boredom and the need for stimulation due to the same routine. 

 >>In some jobs, people get bored and feel the need for stimulation due to the same routine. 

  However, the work of cooks encourages themselves to challenge in their mind

  >>However, their job encourages every chef to keep challenging their minds themselves. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114209 Customer realtionship ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 191
114208 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 0
114207 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 210
114206 If you were going to be a teacher, where would you like to teach? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 3
114205 I think Seoul is the best city in Korea. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 175
114204 The meaning of Having children to me. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 201
114203 food recommendation for foreigners. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 678
114202 What are the things that you love to buy? Explain why. ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 0
114201 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 217
114200 email related to my work ÃÖ*¿µ ÁøÇàÁß 2021-11-26 1
114199 Blue Whale 🐳 ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 177
114198 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 187
114197 How could you decline offers of help politely? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 442
114196 Do you like to be busy, or do you like to have an easy schedule?... ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 239
114195 What are the things that you love to buy? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 1786
114194 Tell me about the most beautiful place in Korea. ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 0
114193 I love to buy clothes:) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 171
114192 Can cosmetics boost the self esteem of a woman? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 0
114191 Why I like to going in the birthday party. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 556
114190 Why I like stars ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 669

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04