¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

please open the pile and revise the passage in the pile~

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*Áø
2021-09-11 231

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



if you can't open the pile, you don't have to revise and just send a message~

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Shin!
I think what you mean is "chef" since you're talking about a job. Other than this word, most of your terms are good. I also suggested some revisions. Please don't forget to use the correct punctuation marks as well. Well done! Thank you. ^^
~Elica~

There are many interesting job these days, but the first think that comes to mind is a cook. 

>>There are many interesting jobs these days, but the first thing that comes to mind is a chef. 

There are many types of cooks such as western food cooks, Japanese food cooks and Korean food cooks. 

>>There are many types of chefs, such as Western food chefs, Japanese food chefs, and Korean food chefs. 

All these types of cooks produce creative meal with their own ideas.

>>All these types of chefs produce creative meals with their ideas. 

 

Surprisingly, none of these cooking jobs really requires a specific education. 

>>Surprisingly, none of these cooking jobs require specific education. 

Some cooks can make it with just natural talent. 

>>Some chefs can make it with just natural talent. 

In Korea, however, many people study fundamental skills and nutrition to be a cook. 

>>In Korea, however, many people study fundamental skills and nutrition to be a cook. 

Whether they have formal education or natural talent, all cooks must have observational skills and diverse experiences

>>Whether they have formal education or natural talent, all chefs must have observational skills and diverse experiences.

 

  There are a couple of reasons why this job is interesting. 

  >>CORRECT

  First, cooks can satisfy the taste of people. 

  >>First, chefs can satisfy the cravings of people. 

  Second they can share their ideas and cause impressive reactions form so many people. 

  >>Second, they can share their ideas and impress so many people. 

  Third, I think cooking is very special because cooks should continuously make a challenge to come up with new ideas.

  >>Third, I think cooking is very special because chefs should continuously challenge themselves to come up with new ideas. 

  In some parts of jobs, people feel boredom and the need for stimulation due to the same routine. 

 >>In some jobs, people get bored and feel the need for stimulation due to the same routine. 

  However, the work of cooks encourages themselves to challenge in their mind

  >>However, their job encourages every chef to keep challenging their minds themselves. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111833 What do you think would your life be when you retired? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 192
111832 What is your greatest fear? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 216
111831 How do you maintain your good mind and body condition? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 2
111830 What are your plans for tomorrow? È«*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 234
111829 why letter is important ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 243
111828 ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 39
111827 Homework : Can you tell me something about your city ¹Ú*Âù ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111826 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 220
111825 page 45 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 241
111824 9.9 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 2
111823 [Homework] What is the difference between \'HUNTED\' and... Á¶*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 203
111822 What are your plans for this coming Chu Seok? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 268
111821 Is it better to be a teenager today or during your time? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 224
111820 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 217
111819 Playing game ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 255
111818 What are some situations wherein some people misinterpret a body... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 4
111817 Are you a good friend? Why or why not? À±*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 246
111816 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 199
111815 Homework ³²*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 235
111814 emotion of hate Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-09 190

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04