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Discrimination

작성자: 최*정
2021-09-12 449

회원님의 영작문

1. There are several kinds of discrimination. Based on Sex, age(to eldery and even to children), disability, and so on. In my opinion, now the most serious one is sexual discrimination.
Because The number of Crimes against women is increasing and getting crueller day by day. And One of the reasons is light punishment to sexual crime based on misogyny.

2.
To resolve this problem, we need to break misogyny which is spreaded whole society like the air. It could be improved Through education, campaign, policies, potent punishment aginst sexual crimes, and welfare to women. And the atmosphere of society has to be changed completely for all kind of weak people.
In addition, I want to mention one more important thing. All daughter in the world should be encouraged, educated. so that they can judge wisely and change the world.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good afternoon, Yu Jeong! 

Thank you for taking the time to answer the home work questions. Here are the corrections for your answers: 

Question 1: In your opinion, what is the worst form of discrimination that exists in your country? Why? 

Your Answer: There are several kinds of discrimination. Based on Sex, age(to eldery and even to children), disability, and so on. In my opinion, now the most serious one is sexual discrimination.
Because The number of Crimes against women is increasing and getting crueller day by day. And One of the reasons is light punishment to sexual crime based on misogyny.

>> There are several kinds of discrimination, such as sexism, ageism, and discrimination against persons with disability. In my opinion, the most serious one right now is sexism because crimes based on women's sex is increasing and getting worse day by day. One of the reasons for this is the light punishment given to crimes based on misogyny. 

Note: Ageism is the term for discrimination based on one's age. :) 

Question 2: In connection to your answer for number one, what do you think are the things or steps to be done to stop this kind of discrimination?

Your Answer: To resolve this problem, we need to break misogyny which is spreaded whole society like the air. It could be improved Through education, campaign, policies, potent punishment aginst sexual crimes, and welfare to women. And the atmosphere of society has to be changed completely for all kind of weak people.
In addition, I want to mention one more important thing. All daughter in the world should be encouraged, educated. so that they can judge wisely and change the world.

>> To resolve this problem, we need to break the widespread misogyny in society. It could be done through education, campaign, policies, strong punishment against sexual crimes, and welfare for  women. The atmosphere of our society has to be changed completely especially towards people who are at a disadvantage. In addition, I want to mention one more important thing, all women in the world should be encouraged, and educated, so that they can judge wisely and change the world.

Note: Instead of using "spreaded," we can use the more appropriate term "widespread." :) 


Great ideas in your answers for both questions. Keep up the good work in class! :) 


Sincerely, 
Miya^^
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