무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Discrimination

작성자: 최*정
2021-09-12 310

회원님의 영작문

1. There are several kinds of discrimination. Based on Sex, age(to eldery and even to children), disability, and so on. In my opinion, now the most serious one is sexual discrimination.
Because The number of Crimes against women is increasing and getting crueller day by day. And One of the reasons is light punishment to sexual crime based on misogyny.

2.
To resolve this problem, we need to break misogyny which is spreaded whole society like the air. It could be improved Through education, campaign, policies, potent punishment aginst sexual crimes, and welfare to women. And the atmosphere of society has to be changed completely for all kind of weak people.
In addition, I want to mention one more important thing. All daughter in the world should be encouraged, educated. so that they can judge wisely and change the world.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good afternoon, Yu Jeong! 

Thank you for taking the time to answer the home work questions. Here are the corrections for your answers: 

Question 1: In your opinion, what is the worst form of discrimination that exists in your country? Why? 

Your Answer: There are several kinds of discrimination. Based on Sex, age(to eldery and even to children), disability, and so on. In my opinion, now the most serious one is sexual discrimination.
Because The number of Crimes against women is increasing and getting crueller day by day. And One of the reasons is light punishment to sexual crime based on misogyny.

>> There are several kinds of discrimination, such as sexism, ageism, and discrimination against persons with disability. In my opinion, the most serious one right now is sexism because crimes based on women's sex is increasing and getting worse day by day. One of the reasons for this is the light punishment given to crimes based on misogyny. 

Note: Ageism is the term for discrimination based on one's age. :) 

Question 2: In connection to your answer for number one, what do you think are the things or steps to be done to stop this kind of discrimination?

Your Answer: To resolve this problem, we need to break misogyny which is spreaded whole society like the air. It could be improved Through education, campaign, policies, potent punishment aginst sexual crimes, and welfare to women. And the atmosphere of society has to be changed completely for all kind of weak people.
In addition, I want to mention one more important thing. All daughter in the world should be encouraged, educated. so that they can judge wisely and change the world.

>> To resolve this problem, we need to break the widespread misogyny in society. It could be done through education, campaign, policies, strong punishment against sexual crimes, and welfare for  women. The atmosphere of our society has to be changed completely especially towards people who are at a disadvantage. In addition, I want to mention one more important thing, all women in the world should be encouraged, and educated, so that they can judge wisely and change the world.

Note: Instead of using "spreaded," we can use the more appropriate term "widespread." :) 


Great ideas in your answers for both questions. Keep up the good work in class! :) 


Sincerely, 
Miya^^
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
111769 What movie moved you and why? Answer in a short paragraph. 정*우 완료 2021-09-08 343
111768 My Homework 강*우 완료 2021-09-08 318
111767 homework 정*호 완료 2021-09-08 0
111766 Homework 윤*임 완료 2021-09-08 278
111765 Fill in the blanks 이*윤 완료 2021-09-08 264
111764 If I will visit your city, what restaurant would you recommend... 류*주 완료 2021-09-08 257
111763 Wednesday Homework 류*우 완료 2021-09-08 318
111762 Homework 권*미 완료 2021-09-08 4
111761 e-mail correction 박*광 완료 2021-09-08 2
111760 Homework 함*주 완료 2021-09-08 1
111759 homework 이*훈 완료 2021-09-08 1
111758 homework 이*훈 완료 2021-09-08 2
111757 homework 이*훈 완료 2021-09-08 2
111756 Homework 김*혁 완료 2021-09-08 270
111755 Do you think electric cars are popular in your country? Why or... 노*이 완료 2021-09-08 1
111754 What kind of situation unnerves you? 이*람 완료 2021-09-08 4
111753 page 37 오*은 완료 2021-09-08 271
111752 Homework 강*선 완료 2021-09-08 276
111751 Describe a successful small business that you know about. 선* 완료 2021-09-08 283
111750 Why do speakers incorporate body movements while talking or... 김*국 완료 2021-09-08 485

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]