¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Keep health by exercising

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-09-15 556

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think exercise is necessary thing to keep health. The biggest reason is we can't live without exercise because when we eat cholesterol and sugar stack up in our blood. If cholesterol and sugar stack up in our blood too much, it can be very serious disease. Other reason is kids don't exercise they will be short and fat, unhealthy people, and when they become adults, there'll be lots of adult diseases. However exercise can care these problems, so I think exercise is very important thing.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

I think exercise is necessary thing to keep health. 
>> I think exercise is necessary to keep oneself healthy.

The biggest reason is we can't live without exercise because when we eat cholesterol and sugar stack up in our blood.
>> If we consume a lot of cholesterol foods and sugar and don't exercise, cholesterol and sugar will be stuck in our blood. 

 If cholesterol and sugar stack up in our blood too much, it can be very serious disease. 
>> If they get stuck in our blood, it can cause a very serious disease.

Other reason is kids don't exercise they will be short and fat, unhealthy people, and when they become adults, there'll be lots of adult diseases.
>> Moreover, if kids don't exercise, they will be short and fat unhealthy people, and when they become adults, they'll get lots of diseases.

 However exercise can care these problems, so I think exercise is very important thing.
>> However, exercise can take care of these problems, so I think exercise is a very important thing.


Great job, Daniel! Exercising is indeed important.  I hope you really try to move a lot so that you get the exercise you need.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113334 Go back and live ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 534
113333 ggguuuiiitttaaarrr~~~~~~~~~ ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 593
113332 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 453
113331 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 480
113330 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 3
113329 What makes you feel tired or challenged during family gatherings? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 2
113328 What\'s one job you wouldn\'t like to do? why not? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 2
113327 Do you think that music can help make world peace? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 1
113326 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 368
113325 ¼÷Á¦ Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 386
113324 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 0
113323 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 0
113322 Competitive Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 401
113321 Please correct the sentence I made À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 415
113320 6 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 596
113319 Homework: Write about the most famous places in your city. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 578
113318 What is something that always makes you angry? Kindly explain. ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 681
113317 What is something that always makes you angry? Kindly explain. ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 0
113316 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 533
113315 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 494

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04