¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Keep health by exercising

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-09-15 465

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think exercise is necessary thing to keep health. The biggest reason is we can't live without exercise because when we eat cholesterol and sugar stack up in our blood. If cholesterol and sugar stack up in our blood too much, it can be very serious disease. Other reason is kids don't exercise they will be short and fat, unhealthy people, and when they become adults, there'll be lots of adult diseases. However exercise can care these problems, so I think exercise is very important thing.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

I think exercise is necessary thing to keep health. 
>> I think exercise is necessary to keep oneself healthy.

The biggest reason is we can't live without exercise because when we eat cholesterol and sugar stack up in our blood.
>> If we consume a lot of cholesterol foods and sugar and don't exercise, cholesterol and sugar will be stuck in our blood. 

 If cholesterol and sugar stack up in our blood too much, it can be very serious disease. 
>> If they get stuck in our blood, it can cause a very serious disease.

Other reason is kids don't exercise they will be short and fat, unhealthy people, and when they become adults, there'll be lots of adult diseases.
>> Moreover, if kids don't exercise, they will be short and fat unhealthy people, and when they become adults, they'll get lots of diseases.

 However exercise can care these problems, so I think exercise is very important thing.
>> However, exercise can take care of these problems, so I think exercise is a very important thing.


Great job, Daniel! Exercising is indeed important.  I hope you really try to move a lot so that you get the exercise you need.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112309 Who do you call a lot nowadays ? À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 409
112308 How to Eat Properly for Sound Sleep À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 1
112307 What is the worst news you have ever heard of or read about? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 1125
112306 LGBTQ ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 484
112305 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 500
112304 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 326
112303 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 1
112302 Today\'s homework Ȳ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 2
112301 °úÁ¦ Æí*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 467
112300 Do you like new things? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 1
112299 What have you saved these days? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 874
112298 Holidays ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 527
112297 When is the best time for you to spend time with your family and... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-29 3
112296 Sleep...zzz ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 500
112295 How different do you think is the generation now from the... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 665
112294 What are the purposes of National certificates? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 3
112293 What are your expectations when you go back to China? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112292 Read books. ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 829
112291 What would you like to change/improve in yourself? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 440
112290 Writing: How do you feel when you can\'t reach someone\'s phone... À¯*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 725

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04