¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Keep health by exercising

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-09-15 411

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think exercise is necessary thing to keep health. The biggest reason is we can't live without exercise because when we eat cholesterol and sugar stack up in our blood. If cholesterol and sugar stack up in our blood too much, it can be very serious disease. Other reason is kids don't exercise they will be short and fat, unhealthy people, and when they become adults, there'll be lots of adult diseases. However exercise can care these problems, so I think exercise is very important thing.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

I think exercise is necessary thing to keep health. 
>> I think exercise is necessary to keep oneself healthy.

The biggest reason is we can't live without exercise because when we eat cholesterol and sugar stack up in our blood.
>> If we consume a lot of cholesterol foods and sugar and don't exercise, cholesterol and sugar will be stuck in our blood. 

 If cholesterol and sugar stack up in our blood too much, it can be very serious disease. 
>> If they get stuck in our blood, it can cause a very serious disease.

Other reason is kids don't exercise they will be short and fat, unhealthy people, and when they become adults, there'll be lots of adult diseases.
>> Moreover, if kids don't exercise, they will be short and fat unhealthy people, and when they become adults, they'll get lots of diseases.

 However exercise can care these problems, so I think exercise is very important thing.
>> However, exercise can take care of these problems, so I think exercise is a very important thing.


Great job, Daniel! Exercising is indeed important.  I hope you really try to move a lot so that you get the exercise you need.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111208 What do you do when something or someone tries to annoy you? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 236
111207 Healthcare system of Korea is Helpful ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 302
111206 Where do you prefer staying while on vacation? È«*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 365
111205 08.24 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 1
111204 How are mentally ill patients taken cared of in your country? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 1
111203 Tell me the most interesting city in your country. ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 1
111202 There are so many words with multiple meanings... I need to... ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 242
111201 Is it bad to believe in superstitions? Should we keep believing... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 396
111200 page 61 and 65 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 298
111199 In your opinion, what are the pros and cons of studying at home? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 289
111198 Korean famous athelete ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 5
111197 Perhaps in the cave À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 2
111196 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 245
111195 If you had 3 wishes, what would it be and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 0
111194 Teacher~ À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 2
111193 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 217
111192 What are the important things to consider when applying for a... ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 2
111191 The pros and cons of studying at home are¡¦ ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 375
111190 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 210
111189 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 250

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04