¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Music is vital for me

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-09-20 403

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Music is not vital for someone, however music is vital for many people. For example, In movie, music is vital things.If there isn't music the movie will be boring. Or, If music isn't exist then we can't relax music anymore. Peaceful music gives us lots of relaxing, so music can treat our spirit.
In my case, I relaxed by music and study with music. Music makes my brain pay attention something more. So I think music is vital for my life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Music is not vital for someone, however music is vital for many people.
>> Music is not vital for everybody; however, it is vital for many people.

For example, In movie, music is vital things.
>> in addition, it is vital in movies.

If there isn't music the movie will be boring.
>> If there weren't music, movies would be boring.

Or, If music isn't exist then we can't relax music anymore. 
>> Moreover, if it didn't exist, we couldn't relax anymore.

Peaceful music gives us lots of relaxing, so music can treat our spirit.
>>Relaxing music calms us, so it can treat our spirits.

In my case, I relaxed by music and study with music. 
>> In my case, I relax by listening to music, and I study with music.

Music makes my brain pay attention something more. 
>> It makes my brain pay attention to something more. 

So I think music is vital for my life.
>> So I think music is vital for my life.

Hi, Daniel! Thank you for doing your homework during your vacation.  I hope you had a great one. 

You can use pronouns instead of writing the same nouns over and over. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111394 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 1
111393 Tips on the making air travel more enjoyable. Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 367
111392 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 343
111391 About Your Wardrobe ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 440
111390 What is my best experience in Boracay? ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 1
111389 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 462
111388 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 371
111387 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 1
111386 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 2
111385 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 2
111384 Homework😀 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 358
111383 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 379
111382 How do you manage a tight schedule? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 280
111381 Do you think it\'s disrespectful to argue with your elders? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 1
111380 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 2
111379 HOMEWORK : Why do women like shopping more than men? ¹Ú*Âù ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 5
111378 Do you think the age for driving should be raised or lowered? ¼Û*¾È ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 0
111377 Sentimental value ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 316
111376 What is special about your city? Tell me 3-5 things that a... È«*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 389
111375 What do you imagine are the best countries in which to raise a... ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-30 339

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04