¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Music is vital for me

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-09-20 488

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Music is not vital for someone, however music is vital for many people. For example, In movie, music is vital things.If there isn't music the movie will be boring. Or, If music isn't exist then we can't relax music anymore. Peaceful music gives us lots of relaxing, so music can treat our spirit.
In my case, I relaxed by music and study with music. Music makes my brain pay attention something more. So I think music is vital for my life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Music is not vital for someone, however music is vital for many people.
>> Music is not vital for everybody; however, it is vital for many people.

For example, In movie, music is vital things.
>> in addition, it is vital in movies.

If there isn't music the movie will be boring.
>> If there weren't music, movies would be boring.

Or, If music isn't exist then we can't relax music anymore. 
>> Moreover, if it didn't exist, we couldn't relax anymore.

Peaceful music gives us lots of relaxing, so music can treat our spirit.
>>Relaxing music calms us, so it can treat our spirits.

In my case, I relaxed by music and study with music. 
>> In my case, I relax by listening to music, and I study with music.

Music makes my brain pay attention something more. 
>> It makes my brain pay attention to something more. 

So I think music is vital for my life.
>> So I think music is vital for my life.

Hi, Daniel! Thank you for doing your homework during your vacation.  I hope you had a great one. 

You can use pronouns instead of writing the same nouns over and over. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110402 The greatest woman? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 545
110401 What is are differences between education in Korea and education... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 568
110400 HOMEWORK FOR TODAY: Writing: What applications do you use to... À¯*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 421
110399 Which one do you think is better, working in Korea or working in... ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 0
110398 What is are differences between education in Korea and education... ÃÖ*¿Á ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 0
110397 I worked very hard!!!^^;; ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 412
110396 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 629
110395 What is are differences between education in Korea and education... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 622
110394 My bucket lists ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 3
110393 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 537
110392 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 688
110391 In your own opinion, what\'s the most beautiful country? Why? ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 1
110390 home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 628
110389 Weight ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 589
110388 Page 52 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 525
110387 home work on July 29 ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 1
110386 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 332
110385 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 613
110384 South Korean instant noodle exports hit record high À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 1
110383 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-29 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04