¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

speaking-3rd

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*Áø
2021-09-22 440

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Thank you~

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Shin!

Thank you for this entry. I observed some capitalizations and punctuations issues in this entry. There were also some sentences that I arranged to sound better. For questions, you know where to find me. ^^

~Elica~

Yes, I think so. 

>>CORRECT

I thought before my birthday was important due to the day for me. 

>>Before I thought that my birthday was an important day because it's the day for me. 

However, now, I consider my birthday is the day for my parents. 

>>However, now, I consider my birthday a day for my parents.

so, I tell my parents thank you for raising me and give them some presents

>>I thank my parents for raising me and give them some presents.

 

Mostly I spent my birthday with my friends until 27 or so. 

>>CORRECT

Several years ago, I realized my birthday was not the day for me, the day for my parents. 

>>CORRECT

After that, I have spent my birthday with my family and make sure I tell my parents thank you for raising me.

>>After that, I have spent my birthday with my family and make sure that I thank my parents for raising me.

 

Yes, I think so because being on time is the promise with others. 

>>CORRECT

As we commonly, any promise have to be kept. 

>>As we commonly know, any promise has to be kept. 

Time is one of the most invaluable things and I think being late practically is stealing waiter¡¯s time

>>Time is one of the most invaluable things and I think being late is practically stealing the waiter¡¯s time.

 

Yes, I think so. 

>>CORRECT

the evenings on the weekends are the leisure time for hobbies, whereas the evenings on the weekdays are just the relaxing time for the duties of next day. 

>>The evenings on the weekends are the leisure time for hobbies, whereas the evenings on the weekdays are just the relaxing time for the duties of the next day.

in my case, I often enjoy watching a movie the evening on the weekends to relieve stress and feel happy

>>In my case, I often enjoy watching a movie in the evening on the weekends to relieve stress and feel happy.

 

I usually go to the public library to study English on weekend.

>>CORRECT

As usual, i¡¯m going to go to the library on this weekend and next weekend too. 

>>As usual, I'm going to go to the library this weekend and next weekend too. 

I promised myself to give up my weekends until obtaining my target IELTS score. 

>>CORRECT

sometimes I really want to hang out with my friends on weekend, but i¡¯m more keen to go to Canada than those

>>Sometimes I want to hang out with my friends on weekends, but I'm keener to go to Canada than those.

 

Yes, I love to do that. 

>>CORRECT

When I was young, my mom had me do some housework like washing the dishes. 

>>CORRECT

At first, I felt tired of the housework, but later I found that it was my mom¡¯s education for me to learn a sense of responsibility. 

>>CORRECT

So I¡¯ll make my children do the same thing as I did since it was one of the best ways to learn a sense of responsibility.

>>CORRECT

 

it¡¯s different depending on time and place. 

>>It¡¯s different depending on time and place. 

before adapting the office¡¯s environment and being close with colleagues, I prefer to work alone because I tend to mistake more if I don't focus on my duties. 

>>Before adopting the office environment and being close with colleagues, I prefer to work alone because I tend to mistake more if I don't focus on my duties. 

but after that, it¡¯s better to interact with peers, sharing my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas.

>>After that, it¡¯s better to interact with peers and share my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas.

 

I think working in a group is needed when we need creative ideas. 

>>CORRECT

I believe creative ideas originate from diverse experiences. 

>>CORRECT

it means my ideas can be limited. 

>>It means my ideas can be limited.

it¡¯s better to interact with peers, sharing my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas 

>>It¡¯s better to interact with peers, sharing my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113775 What are the common gadgets used by children these days? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1
113774 What are the advantages and disadvantages of working with a... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1
113773 Do you like snow? Why or why not? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1
113772 Writing Part2 ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 323
113771 Who are the people you always check on? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 396
113770 Respect ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 426
113769 What was your embarrassing childhood memory? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 559
113768 My family relationship ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 2
113767 What was the most interesting thing that you did during the... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 351
113766 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1
113765 What kind of industry do you think will thrive online in the... ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 533
113764 ¡°It¡¯s easy to tell when politicians lie - they move their... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 0
113763 Today, I\'d like to interest in decorating home. ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 2
113762 1111 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1
113761 Is it easy for you to forgive people who have hurt your feelings? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 0
113760 Is it rude to tell the person that they need to improve their... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 366
113759 Problem with friends ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 315
113758 What festivals does your country have? ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 881
113757 Apologies ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 656
113756 HOMEWORK: Would you like to renovate your apartment? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04