¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

speaking-3rd

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*Áø
2021-09-22 307

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Thank you~

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Shin!

Thank you for this entry. I observed some capitalizations and punctuations issues in this entry. There were also some sentences that I arranged to sound better. For questions, you know where to find me. ^^

~Elica~

Yes, I think so. 

>>CORRECT

I thought before my birthday was important due to the day for me. 

>>Before I thought that my birthday was an important day because it's the day for me. 

However, now, I consider my birthday is the day for my parents. 

>>However, now, I consider my birthday a day for my parents.

so, I tell my parents thank you for raising me and give them some presents

>>I thank my parents for raising me and give them some presents.

 

Mostly I spent my birthday with my friends until 27 or so. 

>>CORRECT

Several years ago, I realized my birthday was not the day for me, the day for my parents. 

>>CORRECT

After that, I have spent my birthday with my family and make sure I tell my parents thank you for raising me.

>>After that, I have spent my birthday with my family and make sure that I thank my parents for raising me.

 

Yes, I think so because being on time is the promise with others. 

>>CORRECT

As we commonly, any promise have to be kept. 

>>As we commonly know, any promise has to be kept. 

Time is one of the most invaluable things and I think being late practically is stealing waiter¡¯s time

>>Time is one of the most invaluable things and I think being late is practically stealing the waiter¡¯s time.

 

Yes, I think so. 

>>CORRECT

the evenings on the weekends are the leisure time for hobbies, whereas the evenings on the weekdays are just the relaxing time for the duties of next day. 

>>The evenings on the weekends are the leisure time for hobbies, whereas the evenings on the weekdays are just the relaxing time for the duties of the next day.

in my case, I often enjoy watching a movie the evening on the weekends to relieve stress and feel happy

>>In my case, I often enjoy watching a movie in the evening on the weekends to relieve stress and feel happy.

 

I usually go to the public library to study English on weekend.

>>CORRECT

As usual, i¡¯m going to go to the library on this weekend and next weekend too. 

>>As usual, I'm going to go to the library this weekend and next weekend too. 

I promised myself to give up my weekends until obtaining my target IELTS score. 

>>CORRECT

sometimes I really want to hang out with my friends on weekend, but i¡¯m more keen to go to Canada than those

>>Sometimes I want to hang out with my friends on weekends, but I'm keener to go to Canada than those.

 

Yes, I love to do that. 

>>CORRECT

When I was young, my mom had me do some housework like washing the dishes. 

>>CORRECT

At first, I felt tired of the housework, but later I found that it was my mom¡¯s education for me to learn a sense of responsibility. 

>>CORRECT

So I¡¯ll make my children do the same thing as I did since it was one of the best ways to learn a sense of responsibility.

>>CORRECT

 

it¡¯s different depending on time and place. 

>>It¡¯s different depending on time and place. 

before adapting the office¡¯s environment and being close with colleagues, I prefer to work alone because I tend to mistake more if I don't focus on my duties. 

>>Before adopting the office environment and being close with colleagues, I prefer to work alone because I tend to mistake more if I don't focus on my duties. 

but after that, it¡¯s better to interact with peers, sharing my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas.

>>After that, it¡¯s better to interact with peers and share my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas.

 

I think working in a group is needed when we need creative ideas. 

>>CORRECT

I believe creative ideas originate from diverse experiences. 

>>CORRECT

it means my ideas can be limited. 

>>It means my ideas can be limited.

it¡¯s better to interact with peers, sharing my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas 

>>It¡¯s better to interact with peers, sharing my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111730 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 374
111729 If you could change any aspect of your personality, what would... ¹Ú*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 302
111728 What do you think will make man go extinct? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 5
111727 special gift ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-08 5
111726 If I will visit your city, what restaurant would you recommend... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 325
111725 Thank you! ¿ì*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 3
111724 Thank you teacher:) ¿ì*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 4
111723 Who, besides your parents, had the biggest impact on your... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 379
111722 What do you usually do to celebrate birthdays in your family? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 258
111721 How can you deal with someone who speaks so fast in giving... À¯*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 297
111720 meaning of Korean flag ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 272
111719 What do you like about your neighborhood? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 332
111718 Make sentences using given words ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 1
111717 Homework ³²*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 236
111716 Writing a book ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 245
111715 what is your favorite subject at school ? why ? À±*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 351
111714 Shine muscat was best sweet fruit i have ate Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 410
111713 homework ÀÌ* ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 401
111712 [HOMEWORK] Why do people get upset? Kindly answer in not more... Á¶*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 4
111711 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 247

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04