¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

ielts task 2 part 1

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*±¸
2021-09-22 861

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



It is true that people can easily access to Internet as the technology developed day by day. Also we can get some advices from Internet to solve a number of tasks.
It sounds really nice but it said ¡®where there is light, there is also shadows.¡¯ Because Internet is really huge, containing enormous amount of information, not everything is correct in this world.
In the positive view, Internet has been used to give information what people wanted to know, and this process had gone pretty well. There are lots of sites that gives lots of information like ¡®Wikipedia¡¯, accessing by searching engines like ¡®Google¡¯. And these kinds of searching sites give us an official information without any lies.
However, not every sites are giving us right data. In some community sites like ¡®reddit¡¯ or ¡®4chan¡¯ what is really famous can provide us wrong information that can confuse people. Because Internet world is granted anonymous, they can tell lies or fake news whenever they want.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Ian!

I am happy to see you here on the composition page even on a holiday. The suggestions in red marks do not mean that you committed a lot of mistakes. There are only a few omission of some unnecessary words or insertion of the correct expression or vocabulary. Moreover, be extra cautious about your subject-verb agreement specially when it comes to "every". The content and construction of thought is well buttressed and discussed. Very good!

I hope that you were able to practice well during Chuseok. See you tomorrow in class!

-T. Donna =)

It is true that people can easily access to Internet as the technology developed day by day. Also we can get some advices from Internet to solve a number of tasks.
>> It is true that people can easily access the Internet as technology develops day by day. Also, we can get some advice from the Internet to solve a number of tasks.

It sounds really nice but it said ¡®where there is light, there is also shadows.¡¯ Because Internet is really huge, containing enormous amount of information, not everything is correct in this world.
>> It sounds really nice but it is said that ¡®where there is light, there are also shadows.¡¯ Because Internet is really huge, containing enormous amount of information may mislead some because not everything is correct in this world.

In the positive view, Internet has been used to give information what people wanted to know, and this process had gone pretty well. 
>> On a positive view, Internet has been used to give information on what people wanted to know, and this process had gone pretty well. 

There are lots of sites that gives lots of information like ¡®Wikipedia¡¯, accessing by searching engines like ¡®Google¡¯. And these kinds of searching sites give us an official information without any lies.
>>  There are lots of sites that give lots of information like the Wikipedia, accessing it by searching engines like ¡®Google¡¯. And these kinds of searching sites give us an official information without any lies.

However, not every sites are giving us right data. In some community sites like ¡®reddit¡¯ or ¡®4chan¡¯ what is really famous can provide us wrong information that can confuse people. Because Internet world is granted anonymous, they can tell lies or fake news whenever they want.
>> However, not every site is giving us the right data. In some community sites like Reddit or 4chan what is really famous can provide us wrong information that can confuse people. Because the Internet world is granted anonymous, they can tell lies or fake news whenever they want.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113944 About my family.. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 715
113943 vaccines for 12-17 years old students. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 459
113942 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 548
113941 What do you do on people¡¯s birthdays in your country that you... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 1
113940 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 0
113939 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 0
113938 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 1
113937 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 487
113936 Homework {11/17} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 789
113935 What are the common crimes committed in South Korea and how do... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 411
113934 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 1
113933 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 1808
113932 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 352
113931 Grandparents ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 461
113930 what I will do in during recess ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 508
113929 What are the best things to do with your family and friends? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 781
113928 From bugs to delicacies, insects proteins find niche in pet food... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 1
113927 Homework_Nov.17 ³²*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 342
113926 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 443
113925 What are the qualities every leader should have? Why? ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 317

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04