¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

ielts task 2 part 1

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*±¸
2021-09-22 743

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



It is true that people can easily access to Internet as the technology developed day by day. Also we can get some advices from Internet to solve a number of tasks.
It sounds really nice but it said ¡®where there is light, there is also shadows.¡¯ Because Internet is really huge, containing enormous amount of information, not everything is correct in this world.
In the positive view, Internet has been used to give information what people wanted to know, and this process had gone pretty well. There are lots of sites that gives lots of information like ¡®Wikipedia¡¯, accessing by searching engines like ¡®Google¡¯. And these kinds of searching sites give us an official information without any lies.
However, not every sites are giving us right data. In some community sites like ¡®reddit¡¯ or ¡®4chan¡¯ what is really famous can provide us wrong information that can confuse people. Because Internet world is granted anonymous, they can tell lies or fake news whenever they want.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Ian!

I am happy to see you here on the composition page even on a holiday. The suggestions in red marks do not mean that you committed a lot of mistakes. There are only a few omission of some unnecessary words or insertion of the correct expression or vocabulary. Moreover, be extra cautious about your subject-verb agreement specially when it comes to "every". The content and construction of thought is well buttressed and discussed. Very good!

I hope that you were able to practice well during Chuseok. See you tomorrow in class!

-T. Donna =)

It is true that people can easily access to Internet as the technology developed day by day. Also we can get some advices from Internet to solve a number of tasks.
>> It is true that people can easily access the Internet as technology develops day by day. Also, we can get some advice from the Internet to solve a number of tasks.

It sounds really nice but it said ¡®where there is light, there is also shadows.¡¯ Because Internet is really huge, containing enormous amount of information, not everything is correct in this world.
>> It sounds really nice but it is said that ¡®where there is light, there are also shadows.¡¯ Because Internet is really huge, containing enormous amount of information may mislead some because not everything is correct in this world.

In the positive view, Internet has been used to give information what people wanted to know, and this process had gone pretty well. 
>> On a positive view, Internet has been used to give information on what people wanted to know, and this process had gone pretty well. 

There are lots of sites that gives lots of information like ¡®Wikipedia¡¯, accessing by searching engines like ¡®Google¡¯. And these kinds of searching sites give us an official information without any lies.
>>  There are lots of sites that give lots of information like the Wikipedia, accessing it by searching engines like ¡®Google¡¯. And these kinds of searching sites give us an official information without any lies.

However, not every sites are giving us right data. In some community sites like ¡®reddit¡¯ or ¡®4chan¡¯ what is really famous can provide us wrong information that can confuse people. Because Internet world is granted anonymous, they can tell lies or fake news whenever they want.
>> However, not every site is giving us the right data. In some community sites like Reddit or 4chan what is really famous can provide us wrong information that can confuse people. Because the Internet world is granted anonymous, they can tell lies or fake news whenever they want.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110892 Daily Coronavirus Infectoins Surpass 2000 À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 2
110891 What do you like/hate most about school reunions? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 378
110890 Are you comfortable wearing a dress? ¼Û*¾È ¿Ï·á 2021-08-16 0
110889 Covid-19 ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 2
110888 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 362
110887 Home work ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 497
110886 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 434
110885 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 476
110884 Tradition ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 1
110883 If it was your birthday, what gift do you want to receive and... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 396
110882 Name three countries you will never visit and why? ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-15 478
110881 Page 34 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-14 341
110880 Does color affect your emotions? ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-14 491
110879 If it was your birthday, what gift do you want to receive and... ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-14 2
110878 homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-14 514
110877 Have you ever had a job interview before? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 3
110876 Tell me something about your memorable experience at our school. ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 384
110875 What is your philosophy in life? - interview answer ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 396
110874 What is one thing you\'ve never done but would like to do? È«*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 5
110873 Do you think going to different academies is important for... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-13 408

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04