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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

ielts task 2 part 2

작성자: 이*구
2021-09-22 266

회원님의 영작문



In this way, communities can consider these data as a real one. And after that, it is really hard to change what is already attached in one’s brain. For example, people in our country has believed that turning on a fan while sleeping can lead us to death, because fan can flew away fresh air. It first came out in 1990s from somewhere and spread through out the whole country. This has been proved to be a lie but lots of people believed this myth until 2010s.
This development contains good and bad results. But gaining official information become easier than the past. In conclusion, it’s a positive development that people can use Internet to do tasks.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there again Ian!

Your introduction must present a clear stand/ stance about the increasing number of internet tasks, if it is positive or negative. This question is asking if the increasing number of activities done simultaneously such as  gaming, chatting online, working by answering e-mail, researching, playing music, among others all done in a single time is good or bad.

Before you discuss your examples, make sure to answer first if it is positive or negative then give an example and conclude at the end.

For example: Multi-tasking is one of the most positive developments brought about by the Internet. We cannot discount the fact that most of the office work as well as entertainment and other Internet-related activities can all be accomplished in one sitting...(positive stand)

Or: The Internet has complicated the lives of people overtime due to its multi-faceted function. There is lack of focus to finish a task due to so many sites one visits by the time the Internet is explored...(negative stand)

Anyway, see how you can have a very strong start and an even stronger finish. Thanks for sending me this to read. 

See you tomorrow!

-T. Donna =)

In this way, communities can consider these data as a real one.
>> Communities can consider these data as real ones.

And after that, it is really hard to change what is already attached in one’s brain. 
>> Correct!

For example, people in our country has believed that turning on a fan while sleeping can lead us to death, because fan can flew away fresh air. It first came out in 1990s from somewhere and spread through out the whole country. 
>> For example, people in our country have believed that turning on a fan while sleeping can lead us to death because fan can blow away fresh air. It first came out in 1990s from somewhere and spread through out the whole country. 

This has been proved to be a lie but lots of people believed this myth until 2010s.
>> This has been proven to be a lie but lots of people believed this myth until 2010s.

This development contains good and bad results. But gaining official information become easier than the past. In conclusion, it’s a positive development that people can use Internet to do tasks.
>> Correct!
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