¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What things do you want to add or remove in your house? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-09-24 196

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is my personal opinion but I want to add a high specification computer in my room.
I think my computer is a great computer but it has a lot of limits because it is not that high specification.
If I buy a high specification computer, I can play a vedio game with no any disconnects.
So I want to add a high specification computer in my room.
And I think a lot of vases in my balcony is not neccessary for my house.
In my balcony, there are too many vases so I think it is very annoying to me.
I think just a few vases make my house's balcony more beautiful, but my parents buy more and more vases.
So I think removing some vases is very neccessary to my house for the harmony of my house.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! :)

I feel the same way too. I badly want to have a computer with great specs and I want to remove unnecessary things in my house was well. Thanks for sharing. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

It is my personal opinion but I want to add a high specification computer in my room.
>> It is my personal opinion that I want to add a computer with high specification in my room. 

I think my computer is a great computer but it has a lot of limits because it is not that high specification.
>>I think my computer is great but it has a lot of limitations because it it doesn't have that much high specs. 

If I buy a high specification computer, I can play a vedio game with no any disconnects.
>> If I buy a computer with high specs, I can play a video game without getting disconnected. 

So I want to add a high specification computer in my room.
>> That is why I want a computer with high specs. 

And I think a lot of vases in my balcony is not neccessary for my house.
>> Another thing is that I think that there are a lot of unnecessary vases in my house. 

In my balcony, there are too many vases so I think it is very annoying to me.
>> In my balcony, there are too many vases so I think it is very annoying.

I think just a few vases make my house's balcony more beautiful, but my parents buy more and more vases.
>> I think that having only a few would be more beautiful but my parents want to have more. 

So I think removing some vases is very neccessary to my house for the harmony of my house
>> So I think removing some vases is necessary to make our house look more harmonious. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112151 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 1
112150 Beauty salon ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 1
112149 Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime,... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 190
112148 House ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 251
112147 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 576
112146 Good words in Young-Kwang\'s note ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 1
112145 36th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 2
112144 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 3
112143 Over 30 Million to Travel This Chuseok Despite COVID À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 1
112142 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 3
112141 Do you enjoy learning about other countries\' customs? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 2
112140 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 219
112139 Homework ½Å*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 0
112138 This time, you need make your owncalendar, Tell us the name À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 1
112137 Do you like inviting friends in your house? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-23 230
112136 ielts task 2 part 2 ÀÌ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-22 188
112135 ielts task 2 part 1 ÀÌ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-22 469
112134 My Chuseok holidays. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-22 0
112133 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-22 2
112132 Wring1 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-22 245

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04