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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

speaking part 2(website)

작성자: 신*진
2021-09-27 308

회원님의 영작문



There are two questions in the pile about the previous revised writing. thank you~~

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for the questions, Shin!

The ones in black are my comments and direct answers to your questions and those in red are the revisions. 

I hope your questions are answered. ^^ 

~Elica~

There are a lot of the website that I have used, but the first website that comes to mind is ‘Mushinsa’, which is online shopping mall for fashion items.

>>There are a lot of websites that I have used, but the first website that comes to mind is ‘Mushinsa’, which is an online shopping mall for fashion items.

 

I bought many items such as glasses, pants, jeans, and shirts. 

>>CORRECT

The favorite item of them that I bought from the website is duck-down coat because It’s a great coat that is long enough to cover my knee and the most expensive one of the items that I have.

>> My most favorite item among them that I bought from the website is a duck-down coat because it’s a great coat that is long enough to cover my knee and the most expensive one of the items that I have.

 

 In fact, I don’t prefer to buy something from website because I can’t see real size and it might be broken on the delivery.

>>Actually, I don’t prefer to buy something online because I can’t see the real size and it might be broken on the delivery. 

 However, I haven’t been disappointed by any items that I ordered from the website. 

>>However, I haven’t been disappointed by any of the items that I ordered from the website. 

There are a lot of comments and pictures from buyers/shoppers on the website.

>>CORRECT

OR

>>There are also a lot of comments and pictures from buyers/shoppers on the website.

 

 There are several things that I like the website. 

>> There are several things that I like about the website.

First, as I said, there are a lot of comments and pictures that come from buyers and I can tell what size is fit to me. 

>> First, as I said, there are a lot of comments and pictures that come from the buyers and I can tell what size is fit for me

Second, there are diverse items and brands on the website. 

>>CORRECT

Moreover, the items are generally cheap because of the competition of many brands. 

>>CORRECT

Lastly, the delivery takes only 2days and the fee is free.

>>CORRECT

 

Q) it’s better to interact with peers, sharing my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas 

>>It’s better to interact with peers, sharing my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas.

but after that, it’s better to interact with peers, sharing my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas.

>>After that, it’s better to interact with peers and share my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas.

Which sentence is right? ~~~with peers and share my~~/ ~~with peers, sharing my ~~

Both two sentences are good?

>>This one is better "After that, it’s better to interact with peers and share my ideas because we can produce more creative ideas." It's because it sounds more parallel and forms a more concrete idea. Also avoid starting your sentence with "but". 

 

Q) When it comes to the sales of Fairtrade-labelled banana, likewise, surges were seen in UK and Switzerland. 

>>When it comes to the sales of Fairtrade-labelled bananas, likewise, surges were seen in UK and Switzerland.

In the sentence that you revised, is ‘in the UK’ right? You revised from ‘in UK’ to ‘in the UK’ in the other sentences.  

>>Yes, it should be "the UK". ( If the country name is common nouns, use the - the Czech Republic, the United Kingdom. If it is a group of islands, use the - the Bahamas, the Maldives, the Philippines. If the name is common nouns followed by 'of', use the - the United States of America, the Peoples Republic of China.)

 

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