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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Do you think it is more important to make a lot of money or to enjoy your job?

작성자: 정*우
2021-09-30 256

회원님의 영작문

When we choose the job, we consider various aspects. Even though the salary is one of the most important aspects to consider, it is much more important to choose a job I can enjoy.
Since people ordinarily keep their job for a long time, choosing a job which dose not interest them at all or distress them is a foolish choice which make one's life boring and hard. If we only focus on the salary when choosing the job, the motivation for us to work is only money, thus we might not feel enough accomplishment and the possibility to quit the job is high.

There are also several points which enable one to enjoy their job. We can easily think of the interest on the field or aptitude, but work-like balance or working environment is also important elements for enjoying the job. In conclusion, I want every student to remind those things seriously when considering their job and satisfy at their job.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Vicky!

Wow! I really agree with you. You actually have a point there. It's really best to think carefully before choosing the career path that we want to take part in the future because it will greatly affect our every aspect in life.

Thank you for sharing. It's indeed a pretty good answer.

~T. Roanne ^_^

========================================================
Corrections and Suggestions:

When we choose the job, we consider various aspects. 
>> Correct! 
Even though the salary is one of the most important aspects to consider, it is much more important to choose a job I can enjoy.
>> Correct! 
Since people ordinarily keep their job for a long time, choosing a job which dose not interest them at all or distress them is a foolish choice which make one's life boring and hard. 
>>Since people ordinarily keep their job for a long time, choosing a job which does not interest them at all or distress them is a foolish choice which makes one's life boring and hard.
If we only focus on the salary when choosing the job, the motivation for us to work is only money, thus we might not feel enough accomplishment and the possibility to quit the job is high.
>> Correct! 
There are also several points which enable one to enjoy their job.
>> Correct! 
We can easily think of the interest on the field or aptitude, but work-like balance or working environment is also important elements for enjoying the job. 
>> We can easily think of the interest in the field or aptitude, but work-like balance or working environment is also important elements for enjoying the job.
In conclusion, I want every student to remind those things seriously when considering their job and satisfy at their job.
>> In conclusion, I want every student to remember those things seriously when considering their job and satisfy at their job.
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