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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Movies and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have a negative effe

작성자: 황*하
2021-10-01 449

회원님의 영작문

I don't understand why people are eager to watch more and more provocative movies or drama. It usually become popular if the movie contain cruel actions. Even though, it provides entertainment to people, there are a lot of negative effect. First of all, young generations tend to imitate what they watched in the video contents. There are many criminal scenes such as murder, sexual harassment and smoking appearance that looks gentle or tough. Secondly, these contents are sometimes real stories that happened before in the society. It can cause negative to viewers. Lastly, actors might have psychology problem because of their characters. Many celebrities committed a suicide because they had difficulties to distinguish between reality and fiction after end of their filming. In conclusion, I think movies are one of the joyful media people can enjoy, but if they contains violence scenes, they have to warn people before watching it and need to mark minimal ages that can watch it.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there! You missed the class today! Anyway, I guess you're enjoying yourself somewhere? Have a happy long weekend! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I don't understand why people are eager to watch more and more provocative movies or drama.
>>> CORRECT
 It usually become popular if the movie contains cruel actions.
>>> CORRECT
 Even though, it provides entertainment to people, there are a lot of negative effects.
>>> CORRECT
 First of all, young generations tend to imitate what they watched in the video contents.
>>> CORRECT
 There are many criminal scenes such as murder, sexual harassment and smoking appearance that looks gentle or tough.
>>> CORRECT
 Secondly, these contents are sometimes real stories that happened before in the society. 
>>>  Secondly, these contents are sometimes true stories that happened before in the society. 
It can cause negative to viewers.
>>> CORRECT
 Lastly, actors might have psychology problem because of their characters. 
>>>  Lastly, actors might have psychological problems because of their characters. 
Many celebrities committed a suicide because they had difficulties to distinguish between reality and fiction after end of their filming. 
>>> Many celebrities committed suicide because they had difficulties to distinguish between reality and fiction after the end of their film. 
In conclusion, I think movies are one of the joyful media people can enjoy, but if they contains violence scenes, they have to warn people before watching it and need to mark minimal ages that can watch it.
>>> In conclusion, I think movies are one of the joyful media people can enjoy, but if they contain violent scenes, they have to warn the people before watching it and the need to mark minimal ages that can watch it.
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
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04

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