¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Magical Adventure

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*ºó
2021-10-01 462

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Theme : [ESSAY] What's the best magical adventure you can think of?
I think it is 's Hogwart battle.
In the Hogwart battle,It was Voldmort vs Hogwart's students and professers.
It is wizard's war so many people died and Harry Potter was almost dead.
But in the end, Voldmort died and Hogwart won.
I think 's Hogwart battle is the best magical adventure I can think of!
(But I think it isn't 'Best'....)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your corrected composition, Clair!
Again, please pay attention to the corrections, including the spelling of some words. Catch you on Monday!

Cheers,
Jean~~



                Theme : [ESSAY] What's the best magical adventure you can think of?


I think it is 's Hogwart battle.
>> I think it is the Hogwarts Battle.

In the Hogwart battle,It was Voldmort vs Hogwart's students and professers.
>> In the Hogwarts Battle, it was a fight between Voldemort vs Hogwarts' students and professors. [Note the spelling of "Voldemort" and "professor".]

It is wizard's war so many people died and Harry Potter was almost dead.
>> It was a wizard's war so many people died and even Harry Potter was also almost killed. 

But in the end, Voldmort died and Hogwart won.
>> But in the end, Voldemort died and Hogwarts won.

I think 's Hogwart battle is the best magical adventure I can think of!
(But I think it isn't 'Best'....)
>> I think the Hogwarts Battle is the best magical adventure I can think of!
(But if you ask me, it isn't the 'Best'....)

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115171 homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-01-03 236
115170 It\'s feel so wierd :) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-03 577
115169 new years ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2022-01-03 1
115168 awkward feeling ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-03 631
115167 What factors influence your choice of job? ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-03 360
115166 Is there any kind of meat you would not eat? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-03 1
115165 Do you like working with the public? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-02 244
115164 What do you like to do for fun? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-02 616
115163 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-02 348
115162 Does art imitate life? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-01-02 1
115161 Why do you think people started living in cities? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-02 192
115160 If you had a long holiday, what will you do with it? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-02 1
115159 slowly/fast ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-02 0
115158 i want to know what you said º¯*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-01 286
115157 My homework~~^^ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 298
115156 I\'m doing my homework. ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 492
115155 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 551
115154 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 781
115153 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 259
115152 Over 1/3 households consist of just 1 person À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04