¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Magical Adventure

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*ºó
2021-10-01 311

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Theme : [ESSAY] What's the best magical adventure you can think of?
I think it is 's Hogwart battle.
In the Hogwart battle,It was Voldmort vs Hogwart's students and professers.
It is wizard's war so many people died and Harry Potter was almost dead.
But in the end, Voldmort died and Hogwart won.
I think 's Hogwart battle is the best magical adventure I can think of!
(But I think it isn't 'Best'....)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your corrected composition, Clair!
Again, please pay attention to the corrections, including the spelling of some words. Catch you on Monday!

Cheers,
Jean~~



                Theme : [ESSAY] What's the best magical adventure you can think of?


I think it is 's Hogwart battle.
>> I think it is the Hogwarts Battle.

In the Hogwart battle,It was Voldmort vs Hogwart's students and professers.
>> In the Hogwarts Battle, it was a fight between Voldemort vs Hogwarts' students and professors. [Note the spelling of "Voldemort" and "professor".]

It is wizard's war so many people died and Harry Potter was almost dead.
>> It was a wizard's war so many people died and even Harry Potter was also almost killed. 

But in the end, Voldmort died and Hogwart won.
>> But in the end, Voldemort died and Hogwarts won.

I think 's Hogwart battle is the best magical adventure I can think of!
(But I think it isn't 'Best'....)
>> I think the Hogwarts Battle is the best magical adventure I can think of!
(But if you ask me, it isn't the 'Best'....)

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113864 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 3
113863 My teachers ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 170
113862 What did you do last weekend? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 232
113861 Why do you think couples do not have children in your country... ¹®*À² ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 208
113860 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 206
113859 What wishes do you have for your family members? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 195
113858 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 183
113857 How do you think you could reduce stress or prevent stress in... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 190
113856 If you are very busy at work or at school, do you have ways to... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 187
113855 How do you ask for help? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 0
113854 Which among your things is hard for you to throw away? Why? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 1
113853 Artic À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 1
113852 What was the last thing you bought for yourself? where did you... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 1
113851 Why I like to going to school ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 549
113850 which do you think is better, putting on makeup or getting... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 1
113849 11.11 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-14 1
113848 11.10 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-14 1
113847 11.09 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-14 3
113846 laws ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-14 215
113845 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-14 321

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04