¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Magical Adventure

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*ºó
2021-10-01 436

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Theme : [ESSAY] What's the best magical adventure you can think of?
I think it is 's Hogwart battle.
In the Hogwart battle,It was Voldmort vs Hogwart's students and professers.
It is wizard's war so many people died and Harry Potter was almost dead.
But in the end, Voldmort died and Hogwart won.
I think 's Hogwart battle is the best magical adventure I can think of!
(But I think it isn't 'Best'....)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your corrected composition, Clair!
Again, please pay attention to the corrections, including the spelling of some words. Catch you on Monday!

Cheers,
Jean~~



                Theme : [ESSAY] What's the best magical adventure you can think of?


I think it is 's Hogwart battle.
>> I think it is the Hogwarts Battle.

In the Hogwart battle,It was Voldmort vs Hogwart's students and professers.
>> In the Hogwarts Battle, it was a fight between Voldemort vs Hogwarts' students and professors. [Note the spelling of "Voldemort" and "professor".]

It is wizard's war so many people died and Harry Potter was almost dead.
>> It was a wizard's war so many people died and even Harry Potter was also almost killed. 

But in the end, Voldmort died and Hogwart won.
>> But in the end, Voldemort died and Hogwarts won.

I think 's Hogwart battle is the best magical adventure I can think of!
(But I think it isn't 'Best'....)
>> I think the Hogwarts Battle is the best magical adventure I can think of!
(But if you ask me, it isn't the 'Best'....)

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111220 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 4
111219 Homework 1 »ç* ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 0
111218 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 2
111217 People in Healthy Relationships Live longer À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 1
111216 Homework(*^U^*) Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 300
111215 What is your opinion about the light punishment for animal... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 0
111214 How would you influence someone to take the COVID 19 vaccine if... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 299
111213 The Changeable Trend In Real Estate Brokerage È«*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 5
111212 What\'s your favorite meal to eat on a cold, rainy day? Why? ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 285
111211 What body language do you always use. ¼Û*¾È ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 2
111210 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 304
111209 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 0
111208 What do you do when something or someone tries to annoy you? ÇÏ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 239
111207 Healthcare system of Korea is Helpful ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 302
111206 Where do you prefer staying while on vacation? È«*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-08-25 368
111205 08.24 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 1
111204 How are mentally ill patients taken cared of in your country? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 1
111203 Tell me the most interesting city in your country. ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 1
111202 There are so many words with multiple meanings... I need to... ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 243
111201 Is it bad to believe in superstitions? Should we keep believing... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-24 399

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04