¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

One of thing that robot can\'t: kindness

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-01 258

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the most important thing is kindness. Of course, intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing. I'll cite two reason why kindness is the most important thing.
First, robot's intelligence is better than human. Robot's IQ is about 10000. Usual genius's IQ is about 180.So, if some person is very smart, but not kind, than the person is human that is worse than robot. But kind person has thing that better than robot.
Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our beauty easily. But kindness is very hard to change. Frankly, human's important thing is kindness, not beauty.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


I think the most important thing is kindness.
>> This is a good sentence. 

Of course, intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing.
>> Of course intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing.

I'll cite two reason why kindness is the most important thing.
>> I'll cite two reasons why it is the most important thing.

First, robot's intelligence is better than human.
>> First, robots are smarter than humans.

Robot's IQ is about 10000.
>> A robot's IQ is about 1000.

Usual genius's IQ is about 180.
>> Usually, a genius IQ is about 180.

So, if some person is very smart, but not kind, than the person is human that is worse than robot.
>> If a person is very smart but unkind, he/she is worse than a robot.

But kind person has thing that better than robot.
>> However, a kind person is better than a robot.

Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our beauty easily.
>> 
Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our appearance easily.

But kindness is very hard to change. 
>> However, kindness is very hard to change.

Frankly, human's important thing is kindness, not beauty.
>> Therefore, kindness, not beauty, should be more important for humans.


Hello, Daniel!  
Thanks for your effort in writing your homework. Review the corrections for your improvement.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112551 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 309
112550 discussion boards on the Internet! ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 259
112549 My family\'s vacation ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 246
112548 41 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 696
112547 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 217
112546 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 2
112545 Make 5 sentences to describe your bedroom and post it on the... ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 266
112544 Crimes3 ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 1
112543 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 1
112542 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 258
112541 Are there any problems with jellyfish or sharks at your local... ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 1
112540 are these correct? °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 258
112539 What kind of business do you think would be successful during... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 214
112538 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 242
112537 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 1
112536 Nowadays culture is much the same all around the world when... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 254
112535 HOMEWORK: Choose the right word. Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 205
112534 Tell me about your favorite sports game. ¹Ú*Âù ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 219
112533 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 204
112532 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-10-05 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04