¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

One of thing that robot can\'t: kindness

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-01 294

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the most important thing is kindness. Of course, intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing. I'll cite two reason why kindness is the most important thing.
First, robot's intelligence is better than human. Robot's IQ is about 10000. Usual genius's IQ is about 180.So, if some person is very smart, but not kind, than the person is human that is worse than robot. But kind person has thing that better than robot.
Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our beauty easily. But kindness is very hard to change. Frankly, human's important thing is kindness, not beauty.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


I think the most important thing is kindness.
>> This is a good sentence. 

Of course, intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing.
>> Of course intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing.

I'll cite two reason why kindness is the most important thing.
>> I'll cite two reasons why it is the most important thing.

First, robot's intelligence is better than human.
>> First, robots are smarter than humans.

Robot's IQ is about 10000.
>> A robot's IQ is about 1000.

Usual genius's IQ is about 180.
>> Usually, a genius IQ is about 180.

So, if some person is very smart, but not kind, than the person is human that is worse than robot.
>> If a person is very smart but unkind, he/she is worse than a robot.

But kind person has thing that better than robot.
>> However, a kind person is better than a robot.

Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our beauty easily.
>> 
Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our appearance easily.

But kindness is very hard to change. 
>> However, kindness is very hard to change.

Frankly, human's important thing is kindness, not beauty.
>> Therefore, kindness, not beauty, should be more important for humans.


Hello, Daniel!  
Thanks for your effort in writing your homework. Review the corrections for your improvement.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112258 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 2
112257 Do you usually watch movies at the theater or watch them at home? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112256 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112255 Homework ½É*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 3
112254 If you can make a rule in your school, what would it be and why? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 354
112253 You\'ve mentioned that your masterpiece is your daughter. Please... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 313
112252 plan for vacation À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112251 Were you afraid of anything when you were a child? What was it? Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 226
112250 Are there many international students at universities in your... Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 225
112249 [Autumn Season, Family Photo Festival] ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 320
112248 9.27 homework ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 2
112247 What was the most enjoyable thing that you did during your... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 243
112246 9.27 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 0
112245 Life without siblings ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 241
112244 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 258
112243 When you were a child, what did you want to grow up to be?... °¥*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 273
112242 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 280
112241 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 245
112240 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 288
112239 away from ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04