¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

One of thing that robot can\'t: kindness

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-01 425

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the most important thing is kindness. Of course, intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing. I'll cite two reason why kindness is the most important thing.
First, robot's intelligence is better than human. Robot's IQ is about 10000. Usual genius's IQ is about 180.So, if some person is very smart, but not kind, than the person is human that is worse than robot. But kind person has thing that better than robot.
Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our beauty easily. But kindness is very hard to change. Frankly, human's important thing is kindness, not beauty.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


I think the most important thing is kindness.
>> This is a good sentence. 

Of course, intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing.
>> Of course intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing.

I'll cite two reason why kindness is the most important thing.
>> I'll cite two reasons why it is the most important thing.

First, robot's intelligence is better than human.
>> First, robots are smarter than humans.

Robot's IQ is about 10000.
>> A robot's IQ is about 1000.

Usual genius's IQ is about 180.
>> Usually, a genius IQ is about 180.

So, if some person is very smart, but not kind, than the person is human that is worse than robot.
>> If a person is very smart but unkind, he/she is worse than a robot.

But kind person has thing that better than robot.
>> However, a kind person is better than a robot.

Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our beauty easily.
>> 
Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our appearance easily.

But kindness is very hard to change. 
>> However, kindness is very hard to change.

Frankly, human's important thing is kindness, not beauty.
>> Therefore, kindness, not beauty, should be more important for humans.


Hello, Daniel!  
Thanks for your effort in writing your homework. Review the corrections for your improvement.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111873 Homework 2021.9.1 ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-11 642
111872 Who is your favorite athlete? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-11 414
111871 Is anger ever a good thing? If so, when? Why?... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-11 394
111870 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-11 422
111869 please open the pile and revise the passage in the pile~ ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-11 456
111868 9.10 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 0
111867 My opinion about eating healthy ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 322
111866 . °í*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 5
111865 What were your favorite foods growing up? ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 339
111864 Hi kate! ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 2
111863 What do you think would your life be when you retired? Explain... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 298
111862 Do you think the emotion of hate will ever disappear from humans? ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 337
111861 Fish is the hardest animal to take care ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 337
111860 I\'m happy!~~~~~~ ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 398
111859 Hope and wish > ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 366
111858 Homework ÀÌ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 2
111857 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 431
111856 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 5
111855 Homework ³²*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 310
111854 Do you like meeting new people? ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-10 369

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04