¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

One of thing that robot can\'t: kindness

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-01 485

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the most important thing is kindness. Of course, intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing. I'll cite two reason why kindness is the most important thing.
First, robot's intelligence is better than human. Robot's IQ is about 10000. Usual genius's IQ is about 180.So, if some person is very smart, but not kind, than the person is human that is worse than robot. But kind person has thing that better than robot.
Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our beauty easily. But kindness is very hard to change. Frankly, human's important thing is kindness, not beauty.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


I think the most important thing is kindness.
>> This is a good sentence. 

Of course, intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing.
>> Of course intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing.

I'll cite two reason why kindness is the most important thing.
>> I'll cite two reasons why it is the most important thing.

First, robot's intelligence is better than human.
>> First, robots are smarter than humans.

Robot's IQ is about 10000.
>> A robot's IQ is about 1000.

Usual genius's IQ is about 180.
>> Usually, a genius IQ is about 180.

So, if some person is very smart, but not kind, than the person is human that is worse than robot.
>> If a person is very smart but unkind, he/she is worse than a robot.

But kind person has thing that better than robot.
>> However, a kind person is better than a robot.

Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our beauty easily.
>> 
Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our appearance easily.

But kindness is very hard to change. 
>> However, kindness is very hard to change.

Frankly, human's important thing is kindness, not beauty.
>> Therefore, kindness, not beauty, should be more important for humans.


Hello, Daniel!  
Thanks for your effort in writing your homework. Review the corrections for your improvement.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111078 Friday homeowrk ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 661
111077 Homework {08/20} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 416
111076 Who is taller? ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 325
111075 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 3
111074 Homework📓 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 653
111073 In your opinion, what are the pros and cons of studying at home? ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 364
111072 Do you compare prices at different stores when you shop? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 1
111071 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 412
111070 Don\'t Sleep with Your Phone À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 1
111069 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 2
111068 The way to the dangerous airport, the last exit out of Afghan. È«*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 7
111067 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 365
111066 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 321
111065 How does fashion affect people¡¯s lives ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-08-20 638
111064 Why do you think people dream when they sleep? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 5
111063 45 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 377
111062 Homework(*^V^*) Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 384
111061 Choose any traditional ceremony diffrent country \'s explain... À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 2
111060 [8/17]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 1
111059 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-19 338

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04