¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The world should have only one government rather than a national government for each country. Do the

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-10-02 298

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I haven't thought of having one government for our world because it doesn't seem like common. People have been living in their country and try to have more comfortable life by doing various activities such as political movement. Politicians in each country put their whole efforts to make better country and they always think their citizens' benefits first. Citizens also want to get benefits from the government and don't want to spend money for other nationalities. For example, there are a lot of people who need support but there are still poor people in advanced countries. Most people want government to help their citizens first rather than helping people in poor countries. Other issues we have to consider is dictatorship. World history prove the advantages of democracy. If country runs by one ruler, it is easy to become a dictator. Russia is one of the representative country which was running by dictator and finally Its system has broken down. I believe that leader is the most import

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Mr. Hwang! ^^ Thanks for the essay today! Enjoy the rest of your holiday! Have a good time being a nanny. kkk See you!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I haven't thought of having one government for our world because it doesn't seem like common. 
>>> CORRECT
People have been living in their country and try to have more comfortable life by doing various activities such as political movement. 
>>> CORRECT
Politicians in each country put their whole efforts to make better country and they always think their citizens' benefits first. 
>>> Politicians in each country put their whole efforts to make a better country and they always think of their citizens' benefits first. 
Citizens also want to get benefits from the government and don't want to spend money for other nationalities. 
>>> Citizens also want to get benefits from the government and don't want to spend money on other nationalities. 
For example, there are a lot of people who need support but there are still poor people in advanced countries. 
>>> CORRECT
Most people want government to help their citizens first rather than helping people in poor countries.
>>> Most people want their government to help their citizens first rather than helping people in poor countries.
 The other issue we have to consider is dictatorship. 
>>> CORRECT
The world history proves the advantages of democracy.
>>> CORRECT
 If country runs by one ruler, it is easy to become a dictator. 
>>>  If a country runs by one ruler, it is easy to become a dictator. 
Russia is one of the representative country which was running by dictator and finally Its system has broken down. 
>>> Russia is one of the representative countries which was ran by a dictator and finally its system has broken down. 
I believe that leader is the most import
>>> I believe that the leader is the most important. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112227 page 28 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 305
112226 Could you tell me about your graduation experience? ¹Ú*Âù ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 320
112225 Friendship ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 327
112224 What would you like to give up so that you could have more free... °¥*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 399
112223 Are you comfortable talking to strangers? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 3
112222 My favorite fruits ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 273
112221 What was the most enjoyable thing that you did during your... ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 1
112220 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 320
112219 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 2
112218 Pregnant women, teens to be inoculated in Q4 À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 1
112217 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 2
112216 What makes a city great to live in? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 1
112215 homework 09.27 ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 0
112214 Howework ±Ç*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 2
112213 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 2
112212 Have you ever stayed at a really exotic hotel, such as a castle... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 395
112211 about mustang À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 1
112210 What is the importance of schedule? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 427
112209 speaking part 2(website) ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 441
112208 speaking part2 ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-27 475

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04