¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The world should have only one government rather than a national government for each country. Do the

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-10-02 350

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I haven't thought of having one government for our world because it doesn't seem like common. People have been living in their country and try to have more comfortable life by doing various activities such as political movement. Politicians in each country put their whole efforts to make better country and they always think their citizens' benefits first. Citizens also want to get benefits from the government and don't want to spend money for other nationalities. For example, there are a lot of people who need support but there are still poor people in advanced countries. Most people want government to help their citizens first rather than helping people in poor countries. Other issues we have to consider is dictatorship. World history prove the advantages of democracy. If country runs by one ruler, it is easy to become a dictator. Russia is one of the representative country which was running by dictator and finally Its system has broken down. I believe that leader is the most import

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Mr. Hwang! ^^ Thanks for the essay today! Enjoy the rest of your holiday! Have a good time being a nanny. kkk See you!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I haven't thought of having one government for our world because it doesn't seem like common. 
>>> CORRECT
People have been living in their country and try to have more comfortable life by doing various activities such as political movement. 
>>> CORRECT
Politicians in each country put their whole efforts to make better country and they always think their citizens' benefits first. 
>>> Politicians in each country put their whole efforts to make a better country and they always think of their citizens' benefits first. 
Citizens also want to get benefits from the government and don't want to spend money for other nationalities. 
>>> Citizens also want to get benefits from the government and don't want to spend money on other nationalities. 
For example, there are a lot of people who need support but there are still poor people in advanced countries. 
>>> CORRECT
Most people want government to help their citizens first rather than helping people in poor countries.
>>> Most people want their government to help their citizens first rather than helping people in poor countries.
 The other issue we have to consider is dictatorship. 
>>> CORRECT
The world history proves the advantages of democracy.
>>> CORRECT
 If country runs by one ruler, it is easy to become a dictator. 
>>>  If a country runs by one ruler, it is easy to become a dictator. 
Russia is one of the representative country which was running by dictator and finally Its system has broken down. 
>>> Russia is one of the representative countries which was ran by a dictator and finally its system has broken down. 
I believe that leader is the most import
>>> I believe that the leader is the most important. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111471 Single-use plastic plates,cutlery, cups may face ban in England,... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 1
111470 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 3
111469 23th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 3
111468 What countries do you imagine have the cleanest air? ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 448
111467 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 2
111466 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 1
111465 planning of America ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 350
111464 Where would you like to visit someday? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 389
111463 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 0
111462 What\'s the most difficult English skill for you? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 472
111461 Homework(*^U^*) Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 391
111460 What my mom will cook in my birthday ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-01 558
111459 Which among the 10 Finnish innovations has the least use? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 1
111458 what is better to have? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 503
111457 What do you think are the qualities of a good leader? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 380
111456 Writing task: Who is a better cook, your mother or your... Á¶*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 0
111455 South Korea sends back 1 unidentified Afghan during evacuation :... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 1
111454 13 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 501
111453 I Think a Singapore has cleanest air Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 654
111452 HOME is house with family ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-31 330

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04