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영작교정 게시판

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Among those countries you\'ve visited, which is your favorite and why?

작성자: 류*선
2021-10-03 409

회원님의 영작문

I've visited many countries such as the Philippines, Canada, England, Italy, China, Japan and Singapore for missionary work. I have a good memory of them all. It's hard to compare because each country has different features. However, I'd like to share my experiences in the Philippines. 9years ago, I visited there with my church members for missionary work. We stayed 4days. When I arrived there, It was raining a lot, So we couldn't go outside. We just waited for the rain to stop. While we were waiting, we had worship all day inside the building. We kept reading the Bible and praising God. Despite the weather wasn't good, we could find God's other plan for us that we don't have. After 2days finally, the weather was sunny. So we could meet Philippine children and worship together. I remember their faces that were smiling at us. I didn't remember the exact place name where I stayed in the Philippines but I remember that my heart could keep warm for our time in the Philippines. Thank you!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

I am grateful for your sharing, Jane! I can really say that you follow God wherever He leads you. You deserve all the blessings you have! Please take care!
-Faith-
I've visited many countries such as the Philippines, Canada, England, Italy, China, Japan and Singapore for missionary work. 
>> CORRECT
I have a good memory of them all. 
>> CORRECT
OR They were all memorable.
It's hard to compare because each country has different features. 
>> CORRECT
OR It's hard to compare because each country has its own unique beauty. 
However, I'd like to share my experiences in the Philippines. 
>> CORRECT
9years ago, I visited there with my church members for missionary work. 
>> Nine years ago, I visited there with my church members for missionary work. 
We stayed 4days. 
>> We stayed there for four days. 
When I arrived there, It was raining a lot, So we couldn't go outside. 
>> When I arrived there, it was raining a lot, so we couldn't go outside. 
We just waited for the rain to stop. 
>> CORRECT
While we were waiting, we had worship all day inside the building. 
>> While we were waiting, we had worshipped all day inside the building. 
We kept reading the Bible and praising God. 
>> CORRECT
Despite the weather wasn't good, we could find God's other plan for us that we don't have. 
>> Despite the bad weather, we could find God's other plans for us that we didn't have. 
After 2days finally, the weather was sunny. So we could meet Philippine children and worship together. 
>> After two days, finally, the weather was sunny so we could meet some Filipino children and worshipped with them together. 
I remember their faces that were smiling at us.
>> CORRECT
 I didn't remember the exact place name where I stayed in the Philippines but I remember that my heart could keep warm for our time in the Philippines.
 >> I didn't remember the exact place name where I stayed in the Philippines but I remember that I had a warm heart during our stay there.
 Thank you!
>> CORRECT
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