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영작교정 게시판

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서비스 입니다.

How has technology changed the society?

작성자: 선*
2021-10-04 394

회원님의 영작문

Society has been developed with the technology advancing. First, technology brought convenience into society. We have various electrical devices in the house such as a refrigerator, washing machine, robot vacuum cleaner, air conditioner, dishwasher, etc. In the past, our moms had to do house chores all day by hand, but nowadays we need to push the buttons or turn on the switches to do house chores. In addition, we can control the devices out of the house through the internet to turn on or off the devices. We can do other works while machines are working instead of us in the house. So house chores don’t belong to only women any longer, but to every member of the family because anybody can operate the machine by pushing the buttons.
Second, technology brought mass manufacturing, so we can buy products at a much cheaper price than those from artisans. We go to the big markets in the cities, and we can buy what we want any time.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Sun Jung!   Your reply is the perfect answer to the given question.  Thank you for an impressive work. Keep it up.

- Debbie


Society has been developed with the technology advancing.
>> Society developed because of advanced technology. 

 First, technology brought convenience into society.
>> This is a good sentence.

 We have various electrical devices in the house such as a refrigerator, washing machine, robot vacuum cleaner, air conditioner, dishwasher, etc.
>> This is a good sentence.

 In the past, our moms had to do house chores all day by hand, but nowadays we need to push the buttons or turn on the switches to do house chores.
>> In the past, our moms had to do house chores all day by hand, but nowadays, we just need to push the buttons or turn on the switches to do house chores.

 In addition, we can control the devices out of the house through the internet to turn on or off the devices.
>> In addition, we can control the devices when we're not home. We can turn on or off the devices through the internet.

 We can do other works while machines are working instead of us in the house.
>> We can do other things while the machines are working in the house instead of us.

 So house chores don’t belong to only women any longer, but to every member of the family because anybody can operate the machine by pushing the buttons.
>> Therefore, house chores are not just for women, but  they are for every family member. It's because anybody can operate the machines by pushing the buttons.

Second, technology brought mass manufacturing, so we can buy products at a much cheaper price than those from artisans.
>> This is a good sentence.

We go to the big markets in the cities, and we can buy what we want any time.
>> This is a good sentence.
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