¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you think can the delivery services in South Korea be improved? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-10-07 232

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The delivery services in South Korea are really great and brilliant.
But there are some cons about it.
First, the delivery company take too much profit about it.
If we order delivery service about a food, the delivery company take some profit in the profit of food.
And most of the companies are taking too much profit.
Second, riders make a noise very loudly.
They don't need to make a noise, but they make so many noises.
So I think the delivery services in South Korea must improve those things quikly.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

Product delivery services have extended a lot of help to businesses. To put it bluntly, it would be quite impossible to get things from point A to point B without product delivery services, especially now that we¡¯re facing a pandemic. Due to COVID, our movement has been limited to lessen our chances of contracting the virus. It has been very difficult for everyone, and some businesses resorted to closing down because of lack of sustainability and resources to continue. That is why there is the need for improvements. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

The delivery services in South Korea are really great and brilliant.
>> The delivery services in South Korea are great and brilliant.

But there are some cons about it.
>> But there are some cons to it as well. 

First, the delivery company take too much profit about it.
>> First, delivery companies take too much profit from it.

If we order delivery service about a food, the delivery company take some profit in the profit of food.
>> If we order food delivery service, delivery companies take a lot of profits from it. 

And most of the companies are taking too much profit.
>> Most of them do this. 

Second, riders make a noise very loudly.'
>> Second, riders make a a lot of noise. 

They don't need to make a noise, but they make so many noises.
>>They don't need to make noise, but they still do..

So I think the delivery services in South Korea must improve those things quikly.
>> So I think the delivery services in South Korea must improve regarding those things quickly.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113366 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 198
113365 I didn\\\'t know time was diffrent in earth À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 2
113364 How does stress affect you? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 0
113363 Do you think modern technology reduces or increases stress? Why? ·ù*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 181
113362 Homework from the lesson 10282021 Á¶*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 349
113361 What is special in your neighborhood that most Indonesians... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 1
113360 Which is heavier, an elephant or a hamster? Which is lighter, a... Àü*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 523
113359 homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 695
113358 Do you agree that money makes the world go around? Explain your... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 0
113357 Always, too much is bad ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 279
113356 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 210
113355 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 206
113354 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 1
113353 Which do you like more, studying in China or studying in Korea?... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 245
113352 Do you agree that money makes the world go around? Explain your... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 214
113351 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 174
113350 The delivery food. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 2
113349 Dreams ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 278
113348 home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 167
113347 What do people usually do during the winter season there in... ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 210

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04