¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

In order to improve Korea\'s delivery service!!

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*Çù
2021-10-08 211

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I already think Korea's delivery service is the best in the world.
We can track the route on their way and know who is delivering it.
However, the system is getting develop, some problems happens.
Because Several companies is sharing whole markets, the delivery fee is getting expensive.
And delivery drivers must take a risk for quick delivery.
In order to improve Korea's delivery service, I think it is a good way to manage the service from a local government, not a delivery agency by a private company.
And it would be better to have drivers join insurance so that they can deliver it safely.
I hope everyone live safe and happy life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Evan:)

Product delivery services have extended a lot of help to businesses. To put it bluntly, it would be quite impossible to get things from point A to point B without product delivery services, especially now that we¡¯re facing a pandemic. Due to COVID, our movement has been limited to lessen our chances of contracting the virus. It has been very difficult for everyone, and some businesses resorted to closing down because of lack of sustainability and resources to continue. That is why there is the need for improvements. 

PS: Yes, there are a lot of accidents happening so these companies should value their riders. :(

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I already think Korea's delivery service is the best in the world.
>> CORRECT

We can track the route on their way and know who is delivering it.
>> We can track the route they're going through and know who is delivering our order. 

However, the system is getting develop, some problems happens.
>>However, when the system is getting developed, some problems happens.

Because Several companies is sharing whole markets, the delivery fee is getting expensive.
>> It is because there are several companies sharing the same market which makes the delivery fee more expensive. 

And delivery drivers must take a risk for quick delivery.
>> CORRECT 

In order to improve Korea's delivery service, I think it is a good way to manage the service from a local government, not a delivery agency by a private company.
>> In order to improve Korea's delivery service, I think it is a good to manage the service from the local government, not by delivery agencies by private companies.

And it would be better to have drivers join insurance so that they can deliver it safely.
>> And it would be better for drivers to have insurances so that they can deliver safely. 

I hope everyone live safe and happy life.
>>I hope everyone will live a safe and happy life.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112830 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 192
112829 0113 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112828 What will you do if you get infected by COVID-19? Answer in a... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 231
112827 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 606
112826 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 0
112825 8 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 182
112824 What do you think is the best way to preserve languages? Á¶*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 187
112823 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 160
112822 Worst Natural Disaster Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 230
112821 What vices do you have? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112820 What characteristics should we look for in a candidate who is... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 218
112819 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 212
112818 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 527
112817 Does beauty affect one\'s success in life? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112816 What do you think is the hardest part about being a student?... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 5
112815 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 184
112814 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 171
112813 What is the hardest part of being a student? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 3
112812 My new mobile phone ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 176
112811 What is you favorite song and why do you like it? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04