¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you think can the delivery services in South Korea be improved? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-10-08 262

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The delivery services in South Korea are really great but there are some things to be improved.
First, the companies of the delivery services take too much profit.
They have to take just a little profit about the delivery services but they took the profit too much.
So some restaurants don't like the delivery services because they take too much profit.
Second, the riders make too loud noise so it makes people very angry.
It is unneccessary but some of drivers make too loud noise.
So it makes other drivers angry and I can hear the sound in my house so it makes me very angry.
The delivery services in South Korea are really great because it is really fast and quik.
But there are some problems about it so I think the delivery companies have to improve it.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

Product delivery services have extended a lot of help to businesses. To put it bluntly, it would be quite impossible to get things from point A to point B without product delivery services, especially now that we¡¯re facing a pandemic. Due to COVID, our movement has been limited to lessen our chances of contracting the virus. It has been very difficult for everyone, and some businesses resorted to closing down because of lack of sustainability and resources to continue. That is why there is the need for improvements. 

PS: I think you accidentally sent 2 homeworks with the same topic hehe. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

The delivery services in South Korea are really great and brilliant.
>> The delivery services in South Korea are great and brilliant.

But there are some cons about it.
>> But there are some cons to it as well. 

First, the delivery company take too much profit about it.
>> First, delivery companies take too much profit from it.

If we order delivery service about a food, the delivery company take some profit in the profit of food.
>> If we order food delivery service, delivery companies take a lot of profits from it. 

And most of the companies are taking too much profit.
>> Most of them do this. 

Second, riders make a noise very loudly.'
>> Second, riders make a a lot of noise. 

They don't need to make a noise, but they make so many noises.
>>They don't need to make noise, but they still do..

So I think the delivery services in South Korea must improve those things quikly.
>> So I think the delivery services in South Korea must improve regarding those things quickly.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113867 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 434
113866 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 119
113865 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 501
113864 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 3
113863 My teachers ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 164
113862 What did you do last weekend? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 218
113861 Why do you think couples do not have children in your country... ¹®*À² ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 180
113860 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 195
113859 What wishes do you have for your family members? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 140
113858 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 159
113857 How do you think you could reduce stress or prevent stress in... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 185
113856 If you are very busy at work or at school, do you have ways to... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 169
113855 How do you ask for help? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 0
113854 Which among your things is hard for you to throw away? Why? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 1
113853 Artic À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 1
113852 What was the last thing you bought for yourself? where did you... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 1
113851 Why I like to going to school ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 540
113850 which do you think is better, putting on makeup or getting... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-15 1
113849 11.11 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-14 1
113848 11.10 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-14 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04