¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you think can the delivery services in South Korea be improved? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-10-08 234

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The delivery services in South Korea are really great but there are some things to be improved.
First, the companies of the delivery services take too much profit.
They have to take just a little profit about the delivery services but they took the profit too much.
So some restaurants don't like the delivery services because they take too much profit.
Second, the riders make too loud noise so it makes people very angry.
It is unneccessary but some of drivers make too loud noise.
So it makes other drivers angry and I can hear the sound in my house so it makes me very angry.
The delivery services in South Korea are really great because it is really fast and quik.
But there are some problems about it so I think the delivery companies have to improve it.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

Product delivery services have extended a lot of help to businesses. To put it bluntly, it would be quite impossible to get things from point A to point B without product delivery services, especially now that we¡¯re facing a pandemic. Due to COVID, our movement has been limited to lessen our chances of contracting the virus. It has been very difficult for everyone, and some businesses resorted to closing down because of lack of sustainability and resources to continue. That is why there is the need for improvements. 

PS: I think you accidentally sent 2 homeworks with the same topic hehe. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

The delivery services in South Korea are really great and brilliant.
>> The delivery services in South Korea are great and brilliant.

But there are some cons about it.
>> But there are some cons to it as well. 

First, the delivery company take too much profit about it.
>> First, delivery companies take too much profit from it.

If we order delivery service about a food, the delivery company take some profit in the profit of food.
>> If we order food delivery service, delivery companies take a lot of profits from it. 

And most of the companies are taking too much profit.
>> Most of them do this. 

Second, riders make a noise very loudly.'
>> Second, riders make a a lot of noise. 

They don't need to make a noise, but they make so many noises.
>>They don't need to make noise, but they still do..

So I think the delivery services in South Korea must improve those things quikly.
>> So I think the delivery services in South Korea must improve regarding those things quickly.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113345 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 1
113344 Journal ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 663
113343 What is something that always makes you angry? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 517
113342 Why do you think divorce rate is increasing? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 231
113341 Do you think action movies are bad for children? Why or why not? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 2
113340 What do you think is the easiest thing about learning English?... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 1
113339 Homework from the lesson 10272021 Á¶*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 251
113338 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 1
113337 Do you agree that money makes the world go around? ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 3
113336 What was the most enjoyable thing that you did during your... ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 0
113335 Life without stars ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 192
113334 Go back and live ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 230
113333 ggguuuiiitttaaarrr~~~~~~~~~ ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 239
113332 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 208
113331 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 203
113330 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 3
113329 What makes you feel tired or challenged during family gatherings? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 2
113328 What\'s one job you wouldn\'t like to do? why not? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 2
113327 Do you think that music can help make world peace? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 1
113326 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 251

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04