¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

why I don\'t have long hair

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼º
2021-10-11 447

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I will don't have a long hair.
That is because when I have a long hair, I'm very hot in summer
My second reason is when we have short hair, we can easily to washy my hair.
My third reason is when we have short hair, we can easy to wear the hat.
Finally, I can easy to cut my hair.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi, Joey!  The overall content of your work is comprehensible. Good job! Please take note of the corrections.

- Teacher Debbie


I will don't have a long hair.
>> I don't want to have long hair.

That is because when I have a long hair, I'm very hot in summer
>> That is because when I have long hair, I feel very hot in summer.

My second reason is when we have short hair, we can easily to washy my hair.
>> When we have short hair, we can easily wash our hair.

My third reason is when we have short hair, we can easy to wear the hat.
>> Moreover, we can easily wear hats.

Finally, I can easy to cut my hair.
>> Furthermore, it's easy to cut short hair.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111594 If you can go on a trip with your family, where would it be and... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 401
111593 If you can go on a trip with your family, where would it be and... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 1
111592 Friday homeowrk ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 618
111591 Living Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 469
111590 Inviting Someone ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 560
111589 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 3
111588 South Korea alert against lambda variant, toughens measures... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 1
111587 Do you agree that money can ruin a relationship? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 379
111586 what I will wear in the beach ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 575
111585 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 413
111584 What health problems can some gadgets cause? ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 532
111583 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 3
111582 Tell me about your favorite types of conversations to have? What... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 0
111581 25th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 2
111580 increase of premium ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 447
111579 Would you like to learn how to fly a plane? Why? Why not? ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 481
111578 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 456
111577 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 430
111576 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 1
111575 Homework ±è*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-03 601

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04