¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the things you\'re going to do when you retire?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*È£
2021-10-11 196

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I retire my job, I think I will be trying to have a time with my family.
Until I retire, I think It will be too difficult to have a time with my family very well because a lot of work to do. But as I already told you, I think balancing between work and life is the most important. So I will be trying to balance both of them during my life.
And I think I will make a plan to live differently compared with before life. Recording great advice to our children, challenging new things of field or etc. Before I do that, we should not be burden to our children so I have to save lots of money.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kyoung-ho! :)

Retirement is what you make it. If you¡¯re sitting and wondering what to do when retired and bored, it may be a relief to know that there are plenty of options out there and yours is actually a good suggestion. :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

When I retire my job, I think I will be trying to have a time with my family.
>> When I retire from my job, I think I will be trying spend time with my family. 

Until I retire, I think It will be too difficult to have a time with my family very well because a lot of work to do.
>> Until I retire, I think It will be too difficult to have time for my family very because of all the work that I do. 

But as I already told you, I think balancing between work and life is the most important.
>> But as I already told you, I think balancing work and life is very important.

So I will be trying to balance both of them during my life.
>> So I will be trying to balance both of them in my life.

And I think I will make a plan to live differently compared with before life. 
>> I think I will make a plan to live differently compared to before. 

Recording great advice to our children, challenging new things of field or etc. 
>> I will record great advice to our children, do new challenging things and many more. 

Before I do that, we should not be burden to our children so I have to save lots of money.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112809 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 0
112808 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112807 presentation À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 183
112806 Wealth gap widening among young Koreans : data À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112805 What art form do you like best? Why? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112804 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 2
112803 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112802 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 188
112801 How do you handle naughty children? ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 246
112800 Why is sleep important? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 3
112799 What is your favorite Autumn activity? ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 222
112798 10.12 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-13 1
112797 What good advice can you give younger people? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 2
112796 Write about three specific goals you want to achieve this year. ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 277
112795 homework Æí*ö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 571
112794 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 6
112793 Which house can you say is comfortable? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 211
112792 homework ³²*¸¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 175
112791 What do you think is the deadliest disease? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 2
112790 I don\'t want to be a knight ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-12 673

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04