¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Protecting animal=protecting environment

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-15 334

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Protecting animals means protecting environment. If we protect environment, animals can live better. I'll cite three ways how to protect environment.
First, we must not throw away trash to the environment. It can protect environment from pollution.
Second, we should not drive car too much. Driving car too much can cause air pollution.
Third, we should grow lots of trees. Trees can take in harmful air.
Frankly, there are a lot of ways to protect environment(animals). But these three ways are very important things to protect environment, so we should follow these at least.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel!  Your work is comprehensible and well-structured.  Please don't forget to put the article THE before the word ENVIRONMENT though. 

- Teacher Debbie


 Protecting animals means protecting environment.
>> Protecting animals means protecting the environment.

If we protect environment, animals can live better.
>> If we protect the environment, animals can live better.

I'll cite three ways how to protect environment.
>> I'll cite three ways how to protect the environment.

First, we must not throw away trash to the environment.
>> First, we must not throw away trash anywhere.

 It can protect environment from pollution.
>> It can protect the environment from pollution.

Second, we should not drive car too much. 
>> Second, we should not drive cars too much. 

Driving car too much can cause air pollution.
>> Driving cars too much can cause air pollution.

Third, we should grow lots of trees.
>> This is a good sentence.

 Trees can take in harmful air.
>> This is a good sentence.

Frankly, there are a lot of ways to protect environment(animals).
>> Frankly, there are a lot of ways to protect the environment and the animals.

 But these three ways are very important things to protect environment, so we should follow these at least.
>> However, these three ways are the most important to protect the environment, so we should follow them at least.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113672 Tech ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 747
113671 If i can spend a day with a famous person... ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 431
113670 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 326
113669 What will you do when you retire? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 2
113668 ¼÷Á¦ Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 822
113667 I want to learn English until retire my company. ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 331
113666 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 473
113665 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 0
113664 Why do you think that maintaining to speak good English is a... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 2
113663 What do you think is the biggest problem your country is facing... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 664
113662 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 416
113661 What do you do to stay healthy? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 3
113660 Do you think being a professional dancer would be a good job? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 1
113659 My siblings ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 1
113658 Is your personality suited to your job? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 2
113657 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 367
113656 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 373
113655 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 338
113654 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 2
113653 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-08 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04