¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I want to change this in Korean culture.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*Çù
2021-10-18 470

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I hope the private education system in Korea will change.
In Korea, most of people can go to high schools or universities.
And the students who has rich parents live in more special place and compete among themselves.
I think this is not about ability, but about money.
I think there's discrimination.
Many Korean students go to many academies from in the morning to evening from elementary school to university and study without free time.
It's amazing that there are no Nobel Prize winner in Korea even they study a lot.
There will be no special memories. If you have friends, most of them are academy or school friends.
I think public education can fully educate children and guarantee their rights.
Even look into advanced country's education, I think they can join a global company and fulfill their dreams without fighting with studying like Korea.
I think there are many things more important than studying in living in the world.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Evan :)

Korea's culture is actually great. But like any other cultures, it also has flaws. Some people want to prolong it and some don't. It is always different based on people's perspectives. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I hope the private education system in Korea will change.
>> CORRECT

In Korea, most of people can go to high schools or universities.
>> CORRECT

And the students who has rich parents live in more special place and compete among themselves.
>> And the students who have rich parents live in special places and compete among themselves.

I think this is not about ability, but about money.
>> I think this is not about the ability, but about money.

I think there's discrimination.
>> CORRECT

Many Korean students go to many academies from in the morning to evening from elementary school to university and study without free time.
>> Many Korean students go to many academies from morning till evening. This is going on from elementary school to to universities. 

It's amazing that there are no Nobel Prize winner in Korea even they study a lot.
>> It's amazing that there are no Nobel Prize winners in Korea even if people study a lot. 

There will be no special memories. 
>> CORRECT

If you have friends, most of them are academy or school friends.
>> If you have friends here, you would mostly meet them from school. 

I think public education can fully educate children and guarantee their rights.
>> CORRECT

Even look into advanced country's education, I think they can join a global company and fulfill their dreams without fighting with studying like Korea.
>>If we look at other country's educational system, people can still join global companies and fulfill their dreams without the competing through education. 

I think there are many things more important than studying in living in the world
>> I think there are many things that are more important than studying in living in the world. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111557 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 3
111556 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 433
111555 21 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 337
111554 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 370
111553 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 1
111552 What do you think is the hardest job in the world and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 306
111551 I really want to be a pilot. Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 362
111550 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 1
111549 What do you think is the hardest job in the world and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 4
111548 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 2
111547 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 1
111546 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 455
111545 What do you think is the hardest job in the world and why? ÁÖ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 437
111544 24th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 1
111543 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 474
111542 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 1
111541 Day off ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 446
111540 What is made of? ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 563
111539 Much, Many ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 1
111538 How do you reject your boss\'s request if you are really busy... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-02 367

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04