¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Not important because of its origin

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-18 595

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, Halloween is not important. And it's not a good thing. Do you know its origin? The origin is awful. The tribe called celt in island, it gave a person to their god for the person who died. I think that give person to god for offering is wrong. The tribe wandered with black clothes and made other tribe offer woman to give god forcefully. If the other tribe don't agree, Celt made fire all over the other tribe's village. Because of this origin, it became the best holiday to like a group called Illuminati. However, lots of people don't know the origin of Halloween.(me too before find information) In conclusion, I think it is not good day.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel! You did an awesome job. You researched about the origin of Halloween to support your opinion. Amazing! Keep it up!

- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, Halloween is not important.
>> This is a good sentence.

 And it's not a good thing.
>> Moreover, it's not a good thing.

 Do you know its origin? 
>> This is a good sentence.

The origin is awful. 
>> This is a good sentence.

The tribe called celt in island, it gave a person to their god for the person who died. 
>> An island tribe called Celt sacrificed a person to their god.

I think that give person to god for offering is wrong. 
>> I think sacrificing a person to a god is wrong.

The tribe wandered with black clothes and made other tribe offer woman to give god forcefully.
>> The tribe wandered with black clothes and made other tribes offer women to their god.

 If the other tribe don't agree, Celt made fire all over the other tribe's village. 
>> When the other tribes didn't agree, the Celt burned the other tribes' villages. 

Because of this origin, it became the best holiday to like a group called Illuminati. 
>> Because of this origin, it became the best holiday for a group called Illuminati. 

However, lots of people don't know the origin of Halloween.(me too before find information) 
>> However, lots of people don't know the origin of Halloween. I didn't know about it, too.

In conclusion, I think it is not good day.
>> In conclusion, it is not a good day.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117149 What is your all-time favorite movie and what can you learn from... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1502
117148 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 951
117147 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 769
117146 Shopping ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 2
117145 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 475
117144 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 0
117143 homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1
117142 Hardest part ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 980
117141 If you were planning a party on a very small budget, what would... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 617
117140 A book i want to keep ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 504
117139 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 809
117138 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 651
117137 HOMEWORK: How could you make fruit juices by yourself? / What... ¼­*¾È ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1174
117136 If you had a million dollars, what would you do? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 860
117135 Do you think it is necessary to experiment on animals to test... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1236
117134 Why Fintech? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 901
117133 Tell me something you know about Dinosaurs. ÁÖ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 418
117132 Why Bloomberg? (Why did you choose to apply in Bloomberg?) ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1237
117131 What do you know about the Bloomberg? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 1121
117130 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-08 879

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04