¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Not important because of its origin

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-18 444

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, Halloween is not important. And it's not a good thing. Do you know its origin? The origin is awful. The tribe called celt in island, it gave a person to their god for the person who died. I think that give person to god for offering is wrong. The tribe wandered with black clothes and made other tribe offer woman to give god forcefully. If the other tribe don't agree, Celt made fire all over the other tribe's village. Because of this origin, it became the best holiday to like a group called Illuminati. However, lots of people don't know the origin of Halloween.(me too before find information) In conclusion, I think it is not good day.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel! You did an awesome job. You researched about the origin of Halloween to support your opinion. Amazing! Keep it up!

- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, Halloween is not important.
>> This is a good sentence.

 And it's not a good thing.
>> Moreover, it's not a good thing.

 Do you know its origin? 
>> This is a good sentence.

The origin is awful. 
>> This is a good sentence.

The tribe called celt in island, it gave a person to their god for the person who died. 
>> An island tribe called Celt sacrificed a person to their god.

I think that give person to god for offering is wrong. 
>> I think sacrificing a person to a god is wrong.

The tribe wandered with black clothes and made other tribe offer woman to give god forcefully.
>> The tribe wandered with black clothes and made other tribes offer women to their god.

 If the other tribe don't agree, Celt made fire all over the other tribe's village. 
>> When the other tribes didn't agree, the Celt burned the other tribes' villages. 

Because of this origin, it became the best holiday to like a group called Illuminati. 
>> Because of this origin, it became the best holiday for a group called Illuminati. 

However, lots of people don't know the origin of Halloween.(me too before find information) 
>> However, lots of people don't know the origin of Halloween. I didn't know about it, too.

In conclusion, I think it is not good day.
>> In conclusion, it is not a good day.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116004 What motivates you to keep working? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 705
116003 Is it important to have a goal? Why or why not? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 435
116002 Food chain boosts profile on back of BTS member\'s... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 0
116001 More people turn to lady luck amid pandemic À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 0
116000 Number of discouraged workers in Korea hits new high in 2021 À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 1
115999 Who is the best and worst president of South Korea? Explain why. ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 827
115998 Who is the best and worst president of South Korea? Explain why. ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 0
115997 Attitude before Argument ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 858
115996 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 1
115995 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 725
115994 What makes studying exciting or interesting? ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 3
115993 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 924
115992 Homework (1/27) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 0
115991 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 1121
115990 Essay (Jan 27th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 812
115989 Essay (Jan 25th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 813
115988 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 1
115987 . ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 539
115986 vikings À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 1
115985 resume È«*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-01-28 4

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04