¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Not important because of its origin

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-18 731

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, Halloween is not important. And it's not a good thing. Do you know its origin? The origin is awful. The tribe called celt in island, it gave a person to their god for the person who died. I think that give person to god for offering is wrong. The tribe wandered with black clothes and made other tribe offer woman to give god forcefully. If the other tribe don't agree, Celt made fire all over the other tribe's village. Because of this origin, it became the best holiday to like a group called Illuminati. However, lots of people don't know the origin of Halloween.(me too before find information) In conclusion, I think it is not good day.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel! You did an awesome job. You researched about the origin of Halloween to support your opinion. Amazing! Keep it up!

- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, Halloween is not important.
>> This is a good sentence.

 And it's not a good thing.
>> Moreover, it's not a good thing.

 Do you know its origin? 
>> This is a good sentence.

The origin is awful. 
>> This is a good sentence.

The tribe called celt in island, it gave a person to their god for the person who died. 
>> An island tribe called Celt sacrificed a person to their god.

I think that give person to god for offering is wrong. 
>> I think sacrificing a person to a god is wrong.

The tribe wandered with black clothes and made other tribe offer woman to give god forcefully.
>> The tribe wandered with black clothes and made other tribes offer women to their god.

 If the other tribe don't agree, Celt made fire all over the other tribe's village. 
>> When the other tribes didn't agree, the Celt burned the other tribes' villages. 

Because of this origin, it became the best holiday to like a group called Illuminati. 
>> Because of this origin, it became the best holiday for a group called Illuminati. 

However, lots of people don't know the origin of Halloween.(me too before find information) 
>> However, lots of people don't know the origin of Halloween. I didn't know about it, too.

In conclusion, I think it is not good day.
>> In conclusion, it is not a good day.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116490 Cafe ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 1
116489 I have seen duck tongue dishes. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 3
116488 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 768
116487 What is your favorite movie and why is that your favorite? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 738
116486 The vegetarian ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 4
116485 25.26.27 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 693
116484 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 1040
116483 If you had a lot of money, what is the first thing you\'ll buy... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 629
116482 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 11
116481 If you had a lot of money, what is the first thing you\'ll buy... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 0
116480 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 621
116479 Homework (2/16) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 0
116478 If you would introduce a place in your town, which place would... ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 1
116477 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 3
116476 HOMEWORK: What kinds of flowers do you like? How would you feel... ¼­*¾È ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 534
116475 Have you ever walked in your sleep? Do you know anyone who does? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 640
116474 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 660
116473 What kind of sports what I like ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 611
116472 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 743
116471 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 577

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04