¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Not important because of its origin

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-18 302

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, Halloween is not important. And it's not a good thing. Do you know its origin? The origin is awful. The tribe called celt in island, it gave a person to their god for the person who died. I think that give person to god for offering is wrong. The tribe wandered with black clothes and made other tribe offer woman to give god forcefully. If the other tribe don't agree, Celt made fire all over the other tribe's village. Because of this origin, it became the best holiday to like a group called Illuminati. However, lots of people don't know the origin of Halloween.(me too before find information) In conclusion, I think it is not good day.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel! You did an awesome job. You researched about the origin of Halloween to support your opinion. Amazing! Keep it up!

- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, Halloween is not important.
>> This is a good sentence.

 And it's not a good thing.
>> Moreover, it's not a good thing.

 Do you know its origin? 
>> This is a good sentence.

The origin is awful. 
>> This is a good sentence.

The tribe called celt in island, it gave a person to their god for the person who died. 
>> An island tribe called Celt sacrificed a person to their god.

I think that give person to god for offering is wrong. 
>> I think sacrificing a person to a god is wrong.

The tribe wandered with black clothes and made other tribe offer woman to give god forcefully.
>> The tribe wandered with black clothes and made other tribes offer women to their god.

 If the other tribe don't agree, Celt made fire all over the other tribe's village. 
>> When the other tribes didn't agree, the Celt burned the other tribes' villages. 

Because of this origin, it became the best holiday to like a group called Illuminati. 
>> Because of this origin, it became the best holiday for a group called Illuminati. 

However, lots of people don't know the origin of Halloween.(me too before find information) 
>> However, lots of people don't know the origin of Halloween. I didn't know about it, too.

In conclusion, I think it is not good day.
>> In conclusion, it is not a good day.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112283 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 167
112282 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 2
112281 Outside ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112280 21 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 584
112279 [Homework] When was the last time you went to the beach? What... Á¶*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 2
112278 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112277 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 236
112276 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 215
112275 Do you have garage sales in your country? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112274 Were you afraid of anything when you were a child? What was it? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112273 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 604
112272 If you can make a rule in your school, what would it be and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 622
112271 What do you think can depress kids nowadays? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112270 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 185
112269 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 243
112268 Medicine ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 395
112267 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 3
112266 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112265 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1
112264 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-28 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04