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영작교정 게시판

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Should we try to make life as uncomfortable as possible for people in jail?

작성자: 선*
2021-10-21 412

회원님의 영작문

Yes, I think so. Who goes to prison? Always, someone who did something wrong is sent to prison, and then they need to pay for what they did. That’s why prisons were set up and the prisoner spend time regretting his wrongdoing. It means that prisoners don’t need to have comfortable jail, Through this punishment, the prisoner has to know how harshly he would be treated when he breaks the rules or hurts others in society. If they stay at the prison comfortably, they are never afraid to be back to the prions at all times. In case, they will commit crimes over and over, and it is like a vicious circle of disorder. To campaign those criminals, the prison should be the harsh areas.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Sun Jung,
Thank you so much for articulating your opinions!
Have an exceptional Friday and a great weekend!
Teacher Elly.
Should we try to make life as uncomfortable as possible for people in jail?
Yes, I think so. 
CORRECT!
or>>Yes, this is my opinion.
Who goes to prison? 
CORRECT!
or>>Who should go to prison? 
Always, someone who did something wrong is sent to prison, and then they need to pay for what they did. 
>>It's always the person who did something wrong who should be sent to prison. Because they need to pay for what they did. 
That’s why prisons were set up and the prisoner spend time regretting his wrongdoing. 
>>That’s why prisons were set up where the prisoners will spend their time regretting their wrongdoings. 
It means that prisoners don’t need to have comfortable jail, 
>>It means that the prisoners aren't comfortable when they're in jail. 
Through this punishment, the prisoner has to know how harshly he would be treated when he breaks the rules or hurts others in society. 
>>Through punishment, the prisoner has to know how harshly he would be treated when he breaks the rules or when he hurts people within the society. 
If they stay at the prison comfortably, they are never afraid to be back to the prions at all times. 
>>If they stay inside the prison comfortably, they will never be afraid to go back to prison several times. 
In case, they will commit crimes over and over, and it is like a vicious circle of disorder. 
>>When they start committing a crime, it will become like a vicious cycle that repeats itself over and over again, which then will turn to a disorder. 
To campaign those criminals, the prison should be the harsh areas.
>>To do a campaign against those criminals, the prison should be a harsh area for them.
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