¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nowadays many people aim to create a balance between their work and other aspects of their life, how

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-10-22 239

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are several reason why people get a job. Someone would like to achieve their dream by doing what they like, others want to make money for being happy with their loved family and friends. Employers also want to make more profits that might cause employees' overlord work. Everybody dream to manage proper work-life balance, but most people don't think that it can be accomplished without money. That's why many people are willing to do overtime work although, they can't enjoy their daily life with loved ones. Our government has implemented few regulations to boost people's life. The limitation working hours by 40 in a week is the representative trial. However, There were many people who would like to take overtime duties because they can't afford to keep their family without extra income. To solve these problem, companies have to change in positive way such as provide more annual leave, raise salary per hour and give extra money in special days like summer vacation.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day to you Mr. Hwang! ^^ It's nice to have a conversation with you today! I appreciate your essays too! ^^ Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
There are several reason why people get a job. 
>>> There are several reasons why people get a job. 
Someone would like to achieve their dream by doing what they like, others want to make money for being happy with their loved family and friends.
>>> Someone would like to achieve their dreams by doing what they like, others want to make money for being happy with their loved ones and friends.
 Employers also want to make more profits that might cause employees' overwork. 
>>> CORRECT
Everybody dream to manage proper work-life balance, but most people don't think that it can be accomplished without money.
>>> Everybody dreams of managing proper work-life balance, but most people don't think that it can't be accomplished without money.
 That's why many people are willing to do overtime work although, they can't enjoy their daily life with their loved ones.
>>> CORRECT
 Our government has implemented a few regulations to boost people's life. 
>>> CORRECT
The limitation working hours by 40 in a week is the representative trial.
>>> The limitation of working hours to 40 in a week is the representative trial.
 However, there were many people who would like to take overtime duties because they can't afford to keep their family without extra income.
>>> CORRECT
 To solve these problem, companies have to change in positive way such as provide more annual leave, raise salary per hour and give extra money in special days like summer vacation.
>>>  To solve this problem, companies have to change in a positive way such as providing more annual leave, raising salary per hour and giving extra money on special days like summer vacation.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114262 Halloween ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 412
114261 Homework {11/29} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 196
114260 What are the things that you love to buy? Explain why. ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 168
114259 What can we do with some rocks? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 1
114258 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 1
114257 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 175
114256 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 1
114255 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 283
114254 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 487
114253 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 0
114252 Stuffing and emptying ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 152
114251 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 213
114250 How do you think you will change in the future? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 165
114249 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 167
114248 choose the correct tense of the verb ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 160
114247 My experience ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 3
114246 Which is always the best part of your day? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 199
114245 Are you a \"night owl\" or an \"early bird\"? Why? ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 175
114244 Sad ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 316
114243 favorite Movie ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 152

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04